HUMOUR UNLEASHED -- 11
(Compiled by Subbaram Danda)
Real humour is laughing at something for at least
five seconds, thinking about it for the next
ten seconds and again laughing at
it for another five seconds.
Let all benefit!
A man and his wife were always seen quarrelling. Not a day passed without at least a minor skirmish flaring up between them.
One day an argument reached a crescendo and blew up for no ostensible rhyme or reason. The wife moved menacingly towards the man and was about to strike him.
Their dog, which was lying nearby and watching everything, sprang to its feet and in a split-second jumped between them in a bid to shield its master. In the melee, the wife suffered a shock, lost her balance, fell to the ground and became unconscious. After some days of treatment in the hospital, she came back home but had lost her speech.
Friends and relatives, who came to see her, suggested that the dog be declared mad and handed over to municipal authorities for being shot dead.
But, the kind master decided against the move. Instead, he wanted to give the dog free of charge to anybody willing to take it and look after it well. So, he advertised in a newspaper offering the dog gratis and also provided all details about its past. He wondered whether anybody would come forward to accept a dog with such a background.
On the appointed day he was aghast to see a long queue of jostling men, who had come for the dog. Without losing much time, the master called the first man in the line and asked him what prompted him to respond. Was it the attractive “free dog offer?”
The man replied instantly, “No, sir. I have a terribly nagging wife at home to be silenced.”
The dog’s owner pondered over for a minute, took a look again at the men in the queue and told him, “I am now having second thoughts. I am not going to give away my precious pet once and for all. I will only lend it for one week to one person at a time. Let all benefit!”
The apt word
The English teacher was explaining to her students how to express the cries of different animals in the most appropriate way. For example, she said, the lion roars, the pig grunts and the horse neighs. She wrote down a long list on the blackboard for the students to copy and memorize.
At the end of the hour the students were given homework. They had to fill up the blanks in the following: the roaring of the , the grunting of the , the hooting of the , the chirping of the and the barking of the .
The next day, one girl came up with these answers: the roaring of the lion, the grunting of the pig, the hooting of the owl, the chirping of the bird and the barking of the husband.
The teacher called the student and asked her in a firm tone, “Who did your homework? Tell me the truth.” Trembling, the girl blurted out, “I am sorry, Miss. My mother did the homework.”
Not a crime
The judge to the accused: “I am releasing you in this case. No charge against you is tenable. The reason is simple – stupidity is not a crime.”
The lawyer of the accused: “Thank you My Lord for acquitting my client. We would like to seek the leave of the honorable court to file a defamation suit against the Prosecution for falsely implicating my client in the case.”
The judge: “It is not possible.”
The lawyer: “May I know the grounds, My Lord?”
The judge: “Stupidity is not a crime.”
July 30, 2011
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