OH, DEAR ONIONS !

Onions have once again caught the fancy of humour-writers, cartoonists, photographers and meme-makers.  This time their imagination scaled new heights.  Their creations have been hitting the social media platforms, particularly WhatsApp, day in and day out without any letup.

TEARS WITHOUT ONIONS

(By Subbaram Danda)

Our dear onions have become dearer. The upward march of the onion prices since August throughout the country has been relentless.  In some markets, the price shot up to Rs.200 per kg for the small variety and crossed the mark of Rs.120 for the regular ones. The reason is failure of the crop in some states, following heavy rains. The Government efforts to control the situation through imports and imposition of stock holding restrictions did not yield timely results.

Playing on the current onion situation, several jokes have been churned out. Here are some:

An advertisement in the matrimonial column of a leading newspaper said: “WANTED a groom for a 21-year-old, dark-complexioned and unschooled girl of 4 feet 6 inches height.  She has no siblings. Caste no bar. Father owns a 100-acre onion farm.”  In a day there were 5,000 responses.  

The canteen in the Indian Parliament is highly subsidized and the dishes sold there are unimaginably cheap.  A cartoon in the “Deccan Chronicle” brilliantly gave expression to this idea in the context of soaring onion prices. 

The Police Chief of an Indian city issued an alert to its citizens drawing their attention to an unfolding danger.  It said: “New goons are on the prowl.  They are after your high value possessions.  Always remain on the guard. Please keep your onions in a safe under lock and key.”

A private security agency advised teenage girls on how to escape from stalkers.  It said: “Always carry some onions with you. Throw them at the ruffians one by one as fast as possible.  They will scramble to collect them. They may even fight with each other while sharing the booty.  Meanwhile, run away from the scene.” 

Marketing managers have also jumped into the onion fray.  A cell-phone company in Tamil Nadu offered a kilo of onions free on every cell-phone purchased.  A television channel showed packs of onions displayed in the showroom.

The American president is in tears of late.  The reason: 

Another security firm offered armed guards for trucks transporting onions from one place to another. “It has become a necessity.  Don’t be caught napping,” it told truck owners.

Now-a-days banks are flush with funds.  Home loans are not moving.  Car loans are sluggish. Managers in charge of loans are under pressure from their higher-ups to meet tall targets.  So, one bank manager came up with a brilliant idea cashing in on the rising onion prices.  

  

Famous Tamil screen comedian Vadivelu was featured in a meme as standing in front of a famous restaurant in Chennai and making a call to the Income Tax department.  He informed an officer: “Sir, I have seen a couple ordering onion dishes for their breakfast.  If you can rush here, you can be sure of a big catch.”

Going to buy onions?  Be prepared to expect the unexpected!  Here is a trendy cartoon:

  

A fancy store displayed a sign very prominently:  "Buy from us a very novel and timely gift. You can present it with a touch of pride to your near and dear ones on any occasion -- one kg of onions colourfully packed."

A thoughtful start-up made a mark on WhatsApp.  Naming itself “Onion Jewellery” it offered to make specially crafted jewellery with onions for all occasions.  Its speciality:  Bridal wear. 

Tik Tok enthusiasts have been very active producing hilarious videos on the onion situation.  In one such video, we can see onions being safely stored in the locker of a steel cupboard and subsequently used very sparingly.   

In another Tik Tok video onions have replaced currency!  A man alighting from an auto-rickshaw pays the fare with onions.  The driver too willingly accepts them. Here is a grab from the video. 

Godman Nithyananda has been in hot news since his announcement that he has formed a separate island-nation by the name Kailaasa.  A curious comedian asks his friend whether he has any idea what the price of onions is in Kailaasa.

Onions are known to produce tears when peeled or cut.  Now they produce tears in absentia. And smiles too.  

December 07, 2019