HUMOUR UNLEASHED -- 09
(Compiled by Subbaram Danda)
"Humour is a gift we can go on giving
without parting with it." -- Anonymous Writer
Fish out of water
A woman to her neighbour: “Hi, you seem to be off colour. What happened?”
The neighbour: “I am alone. My husband has gone on a foreign tour for ten days.”
The woman: “What a pity! Normally, he takes you along with him, whenever he goes abroad, no? Sure, I can understand, you are upset over his new attitude.”
The neighbour: “No, not that.”
The woman: “Security problem? If you want any help, call me any time.”
The neighbour: “My worry is that for ten long days I have to carry on without being able to shout at my husband. I feel fish out of water.”
Let live and live
A man, who was suffering from a stomach ailment, consulted a doctor. The physician, after examining him, prescribed him some tablets and asked him to take them for three days. He collected Rs.500 towards his fees. The man went to a pharmacy and bought the tablets for Rs.200.
On his way back home, the man met an old friend and narrated his health problem. The friend snatched the doctor’s prescription and tablets, saw them intently and threw them into a ditch.
Aghast at this brash act, the man howled, “What have you done? I have paid Rs.500 to the doctor.”
The friend: “Be cool. The doctor has to live, no?”
The man: “I shelled out Rs.200 for the tablets.”
The friend: “Be cool. The pharmacist has to live, no?”
The man: “You have thrown the tablets away.”
The friend: “Be cool. You have to live, no? He is a fake doctor.”
Cool treatment
An elderly woman from a traditional Indian family went to Paris to stay with her son and daughter-in-law for a few months. Before she went, her friends and relatives advised her not to grumble over the attire of the people there, their personal make-up and their indifference to traditional practices. “Always keep in mind that you are visiting the fashion capital of the world,” they exhorted her.
The woman had her first shock when she saw her d-i-l in pants and a T-shirt. She had expected her to wear a sari at least on the first day of the elder’s visit. She had her second shock when she noticed that her d-i-l was not wearing the red vermillion mark on the forehead. She was about to raise a hue and cry but controlled herself.
The mother-in-law’s blood sizzled when she discovered that her d-i-l was not wearing the Mangalasutra, the customary sacred thread worn by married Hindu women around their neck believed to represent the husband. For a close bond with him and for his wellbeing, tradition requires, it should be worn always. Only widows appear without it.
Fretting and fuming, the old woman called her d-i-l and asked her in a firm tone, “Where is your Mangalasutra?” Unruffled, the d-i-l replied, “I assure you, mother-in-law, it is safe. I have kept it in the fridge.”
For the senior, it was the last straw on the camel’s back. The tradition-bound elderly woman could not control her rage anymore and shouted, “What the hell you mean?” The d-i-l did not lose her temper and said, “Yes, madam, the idea is that as long as it is there, your son will be cool.”
***
