HUMOUR UNLEASHED -- 10
(Compiled by Subbaram Danda)
"Laughter is a tranquilizer with
no side-effects."
-- Arnold Glasow, American Humorist
The czar proves himself
The God of Heaven introduced several reforms to make the lives of the inmates of the paradise more enjoyable. Accordingly, they could now go out, saunter round the universe but should come back as soon as possible.
The early bird to take advantage of the new regulations was great scientist Einstein. Then it was the turn of renowned painter Picasso and the third in line was a czar of Russia. It was a refreshing outing for the three and each one went in a different direction to admire the working of the planets, stars and distant galaxies.
The first to return was Einstein. The guard at the gate to heaven asked him to prove his identity as per the new norms. A bit puzzled, Einstein took out a paper and wrote down several equations. At the end there was the famous formula E=mc2. The guard instantly recognized him and allowed him inside.
Next to report was Picasso. To establish his identity he drew a few pictures and managed to get in without much difficulty.
The third was the czar. The guard asked him to identify himself. The czar was perplexed and racked his brain. The guard said, “Only a short while ago, Einstein and Picasso were here and they showed their work, which had brought them name and fame on earth, so that I could easily recognize them. You can do something like that.”
The czar replied, “Who are they?” The guard looked at him amazingly, pondered over for a minute and then permitted him inside. None else but a czar could be so ignorant, he mused.
Change for better!
A renowned Yoga exponent was making special efforts to put a celebrity chain-smoker on the path of de-addiction. After a month of classes, he enquired with the smoker’s son about his progress.
Yoga guru to son: “Do you see any perceptible change in your father?”
Son: “Yes, sir, a lot of change.”
Pleased guru: “That is reassuring. Tell me more.”
Son: “My father has totally stopped smoking, while standing or sitting. But, while practicing the special asanas you taught him, he smokes a lot. It appears it is very difficult to smoke doing those asanas but he has taken it as a challenge. He now says he gets a better kick from smoking that way.”
Psychological satisfaction comes free
A modern multi-specialty hospital, which has just come up in the city, has introduced “a highly patient-friendly” phoning system. It will prompt the caller to press the appropriate button to get connected to the relevant specialist depending upon the nature of the patient’s ailment.
On receiving the call, a programmed voice will suggest:
Press 1 if you want to seek treatment for urinary infection
Press 2 for problems of bowel movement
Press 3 and 4 one after another twice for schizophrenia
Press 5 patiently 72 times for low heart-beat
Press 6 without losing temper 130 times for low blood pressure
Press 7 repeatedly as long as you like for obsessive compulsive neurosis
Press 8 for any other disease. As we are yet to recruit specialists for these conditions, we are sorry we provide no treatment for such ailments at present.
Press 9 if you are our regular patient and are likely to fall unconscious after receiving our bill
Press 0 if you are not happy with our services. You can yell at us as long as you want, and our exclusively-trained customer relations doctor will listen to you but he won’t respond nor take any action. We assure you this will give you immense psychological satisfaction. This new state-of-the-art facility is our specialty and comes free of charge!
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