HUMOUR UNLEASHED -- 22
(Compiled by Subbaram Danda)
"Humour" appeals to people in different ways. A 67-year-old
retired woman professor of geography in Coimbatore,India,
has been "collecting jokes" of every kind from various
publications for the past thirty years. Her thirteen
scrapbooks have 10,000 clips of cartoons,
printed comics and hilarious ads.
What a miss!
“I am a free bird,” exclaimed a young man, whose recently-married wife had just stepped out heading for her parents’ house on a month’s visit leaving him alone. “I can now indulge in gastronomical luxuries,” he mused feeling excited.
He had asked for a cook from a service provider and waited for her with bated breath. A knock on the door and there she was.
“Sir, I have excellent testimonials and my specialty is preparing homely food. Please let me know what dishes your wife has been preparing and to what specifications. I will assure you I can prepare them to the same standards.”
The man was looking for new tastes and new varieties but the cook was firm that she should first know what had been cooked at home.
“If you insist,” the man said, “I will tell you what I have been eating – half-steamed idlis, badly roasted dosas, flat puris, acrid-tasting uppuma, semi solid cooked rice, bland sambar and salty curries. The only item that I relished was water."
“Why is it so, sir,” the stunned cook asked.
“My wife has been a pampered girl since her childhood and she has never been in a kitchen. But, here she toils hard.” He hastened to add, “I don’t blame her. She is a nice girl alright. I am sure she will pick up sooner than later.”
The cook took pity on such a good soul and prepared what all he wanted with excellent taste and flavour. He felt he was in a fantasy world, eating her food to his heart’s content and enjoying it thoroughly. One evening he invited his friends for dinner and they all had a delectable feast. “Your wife should prolong her stay with her parents by at least another month,” they wished.
One morning after a fortnight the calling bell rang and his wife appeared unannounced with bag and baggage. Shocked but sporting an artificial smile on his face he called her in.
“I could not be with my parents for long leaving you to fend for yourself and I am sure you would have missed me too,” she crooned. “Of course, of course,” he muttered and words struggled to come out of his mouth.
The afternoon ‘Kolaveri’
A young housewife received an SMS one afternoon from her husband – “Why this Kolaveri di?” She was amused. To her surprise the messages kept coming every day. She asked her husband why he was doing this repeatedly. His answer: “Guess. It should not be difficult for you to find out.”
The housewife called her close friend and told her about the messages. “I think my husband appears to be spending his post-lunch free time by listening to the soup song and dancing to its beat. Since a few days the FM radio has been broadcasting it every afternoon. Perhaps he wants me also to listen to it and dance.”
The friend: “What a naive girl you are! I remember you told me some days ago that your cook has gone on long leave and since then you have been doing the cooking yourself. The SMS is your husband’s reaction to the food you have been sending him every day for his lunch!”
National award for ...
A junior member of a political party spoke to a senior: “Our leader has been very jubilant since yesterday. Any idea what the matter is?”
Senior: “He is very happy from the moment he learned that the Central Government is going to amend the rules governing the award of Bharat Ratna by enlarging its eligibility criteria. Accordingly, a citizen who has excelled in “any field of human endeavour” will qualify for the highest civilian award.”
Junior: “How does it help our leader?”
Senior: “He believes that what he has done in his own area of specialty is monumental and the chances of anybody repeating it in future are very remote. In fact, because of it he has come to be known all over the country and abroad.”
Junior: “Why don’t you be more specific?”
Senior: “He thinks he is now eligible for the award, as his track record is insurmountable in his special field of human endeavour – corruption.”
December 31, 2011 (750 words)
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