HUMOUR UNLEASHED -- 21
(Compiled by Subbaram Danda)
Why are some orators highly successful? An analysis
has shown that they make it a point to liberally
incorporate sparkling jokes in their speeches.
In reality, it is not the substance of their
talk but the quality of their humorous
interludes that grabs and holds
the attention of the listeners.
The network ‘veri’
The Chief Executive Officer of the most popular social network had a dream, in which he did penance praying to God with all devotion. Pleased with his act, God appeared before him.
CEO: “God, I am thankful to you. I seek your blessings and help for a new venture of mine.”
God: “Go ahead, let me know.”
CEO: “Now, my network finds itself on slippery slopes of containment. China is controlling flow of information. Pakistan has its own restrictions. Now India is threatening to impose curbs. The trend appears to be spreading fast and I have to take timely action. Even in the free world, competition is growing…..”
God: “Okay. Come to the point. What do you expect from me?”
CEO: “I am looking for your clearance to introduce my network in Heaven.”
God: “That sounds overambitious. You seem to ensnare me in your clever moves.”
CEO: “Please forgive me. I would like to receive from you a list of all earthlings now in Heaven, who had been avid users of my network on earth. In fact, they were my source of strength from the beginning. I look forward to their co-operation in Heaven too.”
God appeared puzzled and said: “That is impossible. None of them is in Heaven. They are all in Hell.
CEO was surprised but went on: “God, why are they in Hell?”
God: “Back on earth, they were all irretrievably addicted to your network and consequently they neglected their personal and family duties and responsibilities. Now they are in Hell not only for atonement of their sins but also for a de-addiction programme, as they have been feeling fish out of water without the network!”
Heaven-bound or Hell?
Professor of Hindu Law narrated a story to his students and posed a question: “A priest conducting religious discourses frequently and a taxi driver of a busy city died on the same day and found themselves in the court of Lord Yama, God of death and dispenser of justice. After hearing their past deeds from Chitragupta, the chronicler of human activities, Lord Yama delivered his judgment. Accordingly, one of them went to Heaven. Who is it?”
A student: “It is the taxi driver, professor, and not the priest.”
Professor: “Why?”
The student: “My reasoning is simple based on universal truth. I know that men and women go to a discourse essentially to meet their friends and engage themselves in gossiping. The priest can never instill a sense of piety in them. Thus his discourse is a wasteful exercise.”
Professor: “Go ahead.”
The student: “But, when the taxi driver manoeuvres his vehicle through busy streets in an overcrowded city, he makes the occupants pray to God and they cry O’God, O’God!”
God is great !
A fully drunk middle-aged man in tattered clothes with disheveled hair was lying uncared for on the side of a main road near an Indian monastery. A near-empty bottle of whisky was popping out of his torn jacket pocket. He was clutching in his left hand a small FM radio.
A saffron-clad monk of the monastery passing by noticed him and wanted to help. Extending a hand, he made him sit up. Asking him whether he wanted any assistance, the monk started giving him some good advice. “God will always forgive people who realize their mistakes. You should give up drinking and lead a life of virtue. Your health, physical and mental, will become all right. I can also help you find a job, if you need one.”
The drunk, still in an inebriated state, asked him: “Tell me why one gets severe back pain and suffers from it excruciatingly? What is the way out?”
The monk: “People who consume intoxicating liquors, drug-addicts, chain-smokers, thieves, cheats, bad characters and perverts get it. That is how God punishes the wrong-doers. However, reformed good-behaviour and regular prayers will help getting cured.”
The drunk, pointing to the monastery, said: “I just heard on the radio that Uttama-Shreshta, head of the mission over there, has developed severe back pain and is unable to move about. Poor guy. I think he needs counseling.”
December 17, 2011 (740 words)
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