HUMOUR UNLEASHED -- 04

HUMOUR UNLEASHED -- 04

(Compiled by Subbaram Danda)

A joke a day, well enjoyed and shared, will keep the doctor away !

Sharing is great

The wife of a man has for long been suspecting that he has been hiding a lot of secrets from her.  All her efforts so far to unearth them have been in vain. 

Finally one day she tells him, “I can no more hold out.  I will give you a week’s time.  Come out with your secrets.  Or I will go to my parents and will not return at all.”

The flabbergasted man relents, “OK, I will share everything with you tomorrow.  There is no going back on it.  I promise.”

The wife has a flash in her mind.  With a beaming face she says, “Sharing?  That sounds great.  Let us start with your bank balance.”

Husband gets an idea!

The wife of another man has been asking him to take her to some nice place for a holiday.   It has been several years since they have been anywhere.   The man is very lethargic and her pleas have always fallen on deaf ears.

The woman can no longer tolerate his laziness.  She buys some travel magazines and nudges him, “Read these books.  Browse the internet.  Go through the blogs.  You will surely get an idea.”

A day later, the husband looks very enthusiastic and cheerful.  He tells his wife, “You are really a resourceful woman.  I appreciate your talent.  Next week we will be flying.”

The amazed wife asks, “Where to?”

“To temples….  to the temple town of Khajuraho.   We have not been there at all.  I read about it in a blog yesterday.”

The smile on her face turns into a frown and she shouts, “To Khajuraho?   I know all about it.  Want to see the unabashed display of erotica there?”

The husband is next seen limping.

Corals and long life

At a religious discourse, an Indian sage is exhorting his audience.  “Don’t underestimate the power of gems.   They can dramatically change your life.  By wearing proper gems you can alter the course of your life and that of your family members as you wish.”

He continues, “For example, if an elderly woman wears a coral chain round her neck, believe me, it will be good for her and her husband as well.  In fact, more than the wife, it is the husband who will reap real benefits.   He will have a very long life.”

He goes on, “Looks incredible but I assure you it is the effect of the rays radiated by the corals.  This magical power of the corals has been well tested, proved and documented. ”  

A senior woman, who has been listening to the sage, gets back home, takes off the coral chain she has been wearing for years and shoves it in her cupboard’s locker.   Her elderly husband is puzzled over her sudden and strange behaviour.

                                                                         ***

MARVELS OF THE WORLD -- 01 : KHAJURAHO, INDIA

MARVELS OF THE WORLD -- 01

(By Subbaram Danda)

I am pleased to launch a new series titled “Marvels of the World.”  Besides the well-known Seven Wonders of the World, there are numerous other sites and structures, natural and man-made, which evoke truly great awe and admiration in us.  But invariably, they do not receive as much patronage or attention as they rightly deserve.  It is my intention here to sing their praise.  Please lend me your ears!  The first entry follows.

KHAJURAHO : EMOTIONS RE-CREATED IN STONE

Thousands of enthusiastic visitors from all over the world visit 22 temples in Khajuraho, a quaint hamlet in the state of Madhya Pradesh in India, throughout the year for the splendour of their sculptures.  Those creations in stone celebrate human life and emotions in all their myriad glory.   There is no other place on this planet, where the strengths and frailties of man and woman find such a vivid and exuberant expression.   Part of it is exotic erotica, which occupies a place of pride in the scheme of architectural magnificence there. 

The name Khajuraho is derived from the Sanskrit word ‘kharjur’ meaning date palms, which abound in the area.   The temples were constructed by kings of the Chandela dynasty during 950-1050 AD, when their reign was at its exaltation.   Out of the 85 temples built, only 22 have survived to date.   They are dedicated to gods of the Hindu pantheon and the Jain faith.   

Nowhere else can one see so many temples spread out in one area, each exhibiting its own individuality and grandeur.   The temples are in three groups not far away from each other, and in each cluster one temple stays at a stone’s throw from another.   Well laid-out roads and pleasing landscaping make movement among them a pleasant experience.

Lakshmana temple

Mistress of the Moon

The origin of the Chandela dynasty is steeped in mystery and legend.  A young widow of ravishing beauty was bathing in a pond on a full moon night and her charms attracted the God of Moon.  He descended to earth and seduced her.  He consoled the angry woman by granting her a boon.  Accordingly, a son of great valour was born to her, who was named Chandravarman after the Moon God.   In course of time, he became a king and supposedly established the Chandela dynasty.  As per the wish of his mother, he started construction of temples.  

These temples are an enigma to many visitors, because erotic sculptures are vividly visible here. Why are they present in a place of worship, where a person goes to acquire purity of thought and peace of mind?  It is explained that ancient Indian treatises on temple architecture do permit depiction of sex in shrines for purposes of “ornamentation, prosperity and protection (from evil spirits)” of the shrines.  Several other theories have also been propounded but most of them lack conviction.

Sculptures on the exterior of a temple

Unabashed boldness

What has indeed perplexed researchers of Khajuraho’s erotica is its unparalleled variety, enormous diversity, uncanny candidness, unabashed boldness and stunning size.  And interestingly, only ten per cent of the total sculptures fall under this category!

A British author has described the amorous sculptures as representing "the apogee of erotic art" in India.   He says:  “Broad-hipped and high breasted nymphs display their generously contoured and bejewelled bodies on exquisitely worked exterior wall panels.”

Besides the motifs usually found in temples of the medieval period like carvings of dancers, singers, warriors, commoners, animals and trees, there are some rare sensuous figures at Khajuraho, which cast a magic spell on the visitors.   There is a statue of a nymph undressing to remove a scorpion from her body.   One sculpture depicts a damsel plucking a thorn from her foot.  We can see a maiden applying make-up to her face, while another enjoys watching her own face reflected in a mirror.

Enchanting trance

The Lakshmana and the Kandariya Mahadev temples in the western cluster, where exquisite sculptures are on display, should not be missed.  On the walls, pillars, brackets, projections, recesses, bands and at every conceivable place there are carvings.  In the latter temple, one expert has counted no less than 226 statues inside the shrine and 646 outside.   A large number of them are of the size of two-and-a half feet to three feet in height.

As one stands in front of any temple at Khajuraho, one gets the feeling of being transported back in time by a millennium.  One virtually devours the romantic sights and lifestyles of the people of a bygone era.   It is an enchanting trance, which no one would like to break!  My own experience years ago was not very different.  No wonder, UNESCO has accorded to Khajuraho the status of a World Heritage Site.
                                                                      
                                                                           
                                                                           ***   



HUMOUR UNLEASHED -- 03

HUMOUR UNLEASHED -- 03

(Compiled by Subbaram Danda)

Laughter is highly infectious.  Spread it generously.

Think positively

A renowned cardiologist advised his patient: “Always maintain your cool.  Never brood over events, past, present or future.   Think positively.”

The patient:  “I value your advice, doctor.  But in my case it looks like impossible to put it into practice.   I simply get worked up over my expenses.”

The doctor:  “Meditate for at least 15 minutes a day.  That will give you ideas on how you can check your expenses.  I am sure you can find a way out.  Think positively.”

After a month the patient visited the cardiologist for another consultation.  The doctor, after checking his blood pressure, pulse rate and heart beat, said: “Great.  You look far better and cheerful now.  Hope you are following what I have said.”

“Yes, doctor.  I am no more worried about my expenses.  I am always thinking positively.  You see, I have not brought my purse today.”

The cardiologist’s heart missed some beats and his blood pressure shot up by a few notches.

Scary feeling

The heart specialist, while examining another patient, pointed to a sign on the wall of his clinic “Cigarette smoking is injurious to health” and told him in clear terms, “You have been smoking as many as 20 cigarettes a day.  You have to give up this habit totally forthwith.  If this continues, nobody can save you.”

Patient: “I find myself helpless, doctor.  I am unable to resist the temptation.”

The cardiologist: “Remember every time you light a cigarette, it burns and reduces to ashes not only itself but you as well.  That scary feeling should help.”

The patient went home.   He visited the clinic after a month for his next consultation.  He looked somewhat cheerful.  He informed the doctor, “I have diligently followed your advice and have not gone anywhere near the cigarettes.    I have successfully switched over to cigars!”

Yama or doctor ?

God appeared in the dream of a patient undergoing treatment in a hospital and asked him, “Tell me frankly whom do you despise most – Yama, the God of Death, or doctor, whom you approach every time you fall ill? 

Pat came the reply, “Of course, it is the doctor.”

God: “Why do you say so?”

Patient: “Yama takes away only life -- in one shot.   But the doctor takes away both life and money -- in tortuous instalments.”

***



OUR "NITHYA MALLI" IN FULL BLOOM !

OUR “NITHYA MALLI” IN FULL BLOOM

(A breezy essay by Subbaram Danda)

It was a pleasant Sunday morning in April.  Though the summer had, for all practical purposes, set in a fortnight ago in all its fury, the mornings were still enjoyable with soothing cool breeze wafting across caressing our bodies in soft massaging touches.

We – myself, wife Sampuranam, affectionately called Priya, and grand-daughter Divyashree – climbed up the steps to the terrace of our two-storey building for a lazy saunter.  We had hardly walked a few metres, when an incredible spectacle unfolded itself in front of us.  In full bloom was our “Nithya Malli” – a variety of jasmine!  We were pleasantly stunned.

We did not expect this to happen so soon.   Priya had told me a month back that from the ground floor backyard she could see some flowers here and there on the creeper, which was slowly making its way to the terrace hugging the ropes we had strategically placed.   I thought it would be some months before it could complete its journey and spread out.   And the fact was that we did not go to the terrace very often.

Gentle sway

The flowers were in numerous clusters in various stages of blossoming – some fully open, some ready to show themselves up totally any moment and some only in the bud format.   The white blossoms were playing hide and seek with green leaves swaying gently in the mild breeze.  They looked like stars glittering in the clear firmament in the night.

Some flowers had withered and fallen to the ground.  But most of them were intact ready to be plucked.  Priya warned us not to touch them, as the first flowers were to be offered to God.  She ran downstairs to fetch a plastic basket.   She came back and picked a handful, collected them in the basket and put them aside.

Intoxicating aroma

It was our turn to “play” with the flowers.  I smelled a few and the aroma was slightly intoxicating.   Though "Nithya Malli” scent was familiar to me, I was wondering in a crazy way whether the fragrance of the flowers grown at our own place and picked afresh with our own hands would not be somewhat special!!   It was not very different.  Divyashree was all excited.  She picked some flowers, tossed a couple of them away after smelling them and inserted others in her hairdo.

We counted the flowers and the buds.  They totalled more than 150.  What a bounty on the day of the very first pick by us!

Suddenly, I thought of taking a photo of the flower clusters to serve as a memento.  It was now my turn to run downstairs.  But the camera batteries had run down.  I searched for the recharger, found it and fixed the batteries in it for charging.

Street stalkers

As I strode back upstairs, my mind pondered over the pains Priya and I took to bring up the creeper to this stage.  We had purchased the sapling from a street vendor and planted it in the ground on the front side of the building.  But we realized later that when it blossomed its flowers would be gone, as they would be stealthily picked by people, who roamed around streets very early in the morning plucking whatever flowers they could lay their hands on. 

So we transplanted it on the rear side of the building, setting up props and tying ropes all the way to the open terrace so that the creeper could climb its way up.  But its growth was not as fast as we wanted!

We were envious of the “Nithya Malli” creeper grown by the people opposite our house.  It had moved up to the terrace on top of two floors, yielding a sumptuous harvest every day.  We watched with green eyes those people plucking flowers every morning and evening.

"Golden Ratio" in jasmines

Priya, who had seen “Nithya Malli” at her parents’ house, assured me that proper tending in the beginning was necessary but later on it would grow itself.  The best time for it to blossom in abundance was summer.  Even in winter it would give flowers but their structure would be a bit stunted.  That is the reason why they are called “Nithya Malli” – jasmines all round the year. 

Priya took special efforts to nurture our plant by watering it twice a day and periodically removing weeds.  Once she also purchased some red soil and manure for it.  

Finally, all these efforts paid off.  And our own “Nithya Malli” was at last in full bloom!  The next morning I picked up my camera and took a photo of the flower clusters -- a lovely sight to record. 

Meanwhile, my curiosity was at its peak.  In the background of what I had written in “The Glitter of the Golden Ratio,” I carefully counted the petals in a fully-grown flower.  Behold, they totalled eight – a number in the Fibonacci sequence.  What a delightful corroboration!         

                                                            ***

THE GLITTER OF THE GOLDEN RATIO -- Part 3 and last

THE GLITTER OF THE GOLDEN RATIO -- Part 3 and last

(A presentation by Subbaram Danda)

The Great Pyramid

In the Giza plateau off Cairo stand majestically three massive pyramids, built to serve as tombs for three Egyptian pharaohs.  The largest of them rising to a height of 480 feet was constructed as long back as 4,570 years ago for pharaoh Khufu, who was also called Cheops in later years.

This pyramid, which came to be regarded as the Great Pyramid for its grandeur, has been one of the Wonders of the World from the ancient times to the modern day.  It is in this pyramid that expert eyes have unveiled Golden triangles and other GR features.   The two other Giza pyramids also display similar characteristics but not to the same exactitude.

Magnificent spectacle

On the hill of Acropolis in Athens, Greece, a temple for Greek Goddess Athena Parthenos was constructed during 447 - 432 B.C.  In the main hall of the temple a colossal statue of the Goddess made of gold, silver and ivory stood majestically rising to a height of 40 feet.   The gold used alone weighed 1,100 kgs.

The temple structure with numerous columns and other Doric style elements did not conceal the innumerable Golden Rectangles and other GR features in its exterior and interior designs.   The temple itself was built on a Golden Rectangle.   It is said in some quarters that GR’s symbol “Phi” was derived from the name of Phidias, the chief sculptor.  On completion, the marble temple of Parthenon presented a magnificent spectacle par excellence to behold.  But, alas, as time rolled by, human frailties reduced it to ruins.

Deft architecture

Our own Taj Mahal’s façade and some other designs display GR features.  The main entrance door of the love monument, completed in 1648 AD, stands within a Golden Rectangle.  The whole edifice is a deft blend of the Mughal architecture and the golden rules.

Other famous structures that have yielded to the temptation of GR include Notre Dame Church in Paris and the United Nations Building in New York City.

It is interesting to note that even music maestros have fallen for the magic of GR.  Bach, Beethoven, Mozart and others have effectively employed GR in their presentations.

Divine Ratio

What scientists, philosophers, artists, composers and others aver is that human mind innately recognizes perfection and beauty wherever they are.  And they are found wherever the Fibonacci numbers and GR features abound.   It is pointed out that in most instances GR shows itself on its own in nature, and is therefore the natural manifestation of divinity.  So GR is also called Divine Ratio.  In man-made structures, GR is introduced through human intervention to achieve the same effect.

No doubt, this super ratio that defines beauty and balance, poise and perfection has been aptly called the Golden Ratio.  A thing of beauty is a joy forever, and behind every beautiful thing there is the “Glitter of the Golden Ratio!”

                                                            (Concluded)

 



THE GLITTER OF THE GOLDEN RATIO -- Part 2

THE GLITTER OF THE GOLDEN RATIO – Part 2

(A presentation by Subbaram Danda)

In the past, GR was expertly deployed by sculptors and artists to portray human figures in aesthetic perfection.  No doubt they succeeded in producing masterpieces.  Michelangelo’s “Statue of David” and Leonardo da Vinci’s painting of “Mona Lisa” are just a couple of examples of such objects of ever-lasting beauty.   Several works of the renowned painters Rembrandt and Raphael exude GR geometry.

It is said that in the modern day world also, several plastic surgeons employ the techniques of GR to give a better shape to faces.    Make-up men in the film world too employ GR ideas to enhance the physical features of the stars.

Once again, let us turn to mathematics for a while.   Italian mathematician Fibonacci propounded a special series of numbers, where each number is the sum of the two preceding numbers -- 1, 1, 2, 3, 5, 8, 13, 21, 34, 55, 89, 144, 233, 377,……..  The greatness of this sequence is that any number in the series divided by the previous number yields GR approximately!

Flower petals

Researchers have found to their immense amazement that Fibonacci number patterns occur in abundance everywhere in nature – flowers, leaves, plants, shells, animal world and even micro-organisms.

If we count carefully the number of petals in a flower belonging to most of the known varieties, it is a Fibonacci series number!  For example, lily has 3 petals and hibiscus 5 petals.  Similarly we have single-petalled, double-petalled, 8-petalled, 13-petalled, 21-petalled, 34-petalled flowers and so on.   This is the result of GR play in the plant world!

             

Seeds in a sunflower

                                               
In the case of sunflower and pineapple fruit, adherence to the Fibonacci sequence is very exact.  Let us look at the array of seeds in the centre of a sunflower.  We will notice spiral patterns curving to the left and the right.  The total of each of these two types of spirals will be a Fibonacci number!  The scaly formations on the outer surface of a pineapple present a similar picture.

In DNA too!

Further, tree branches and leaf arrangements around a stem have GR-based formations.  Interestingly, human DNA molecules too exhibit the Fibonacci sequence in double-helix cycles.  Snail shells, bee hives and host of other animal world creations display these features.  Even snowflakes fall in line.

Let us now turn to some of the architectural marvels of the world – the Great Pyramid in Egypt, the temple of Parthenon in Greece and our own Taj Mahal.  It is interesting to note that these edifices, constructed at widely different points of time in the history of mankind and in varying geographical locations, incorporate GR in them.  Whether it is by accident or by design remains a matter of conjecture.

                                                      (To be continued)

 



                                                   

THE GLITTER OF THE GOLDEN RATIO -- Part 1

·    Why some human faces look stunningly attractive?

·    Why Michelangelo’s celebrated "Statue of David" is regarded as a masterpiece of  everlasting beauty?

·    Why the Parthenon temple in Greece evoked awe and wonder in all visitors?

·    Why the Taj Mahal excels as an architectural marvel?

      Find answers to these questions in …

THE GLITTER OF THE GOLDEN RATIO -- Part 1

(A free-wheeling presentation by Subbaram Danda)

When I was reading Dan Brown’s magnum opus “Da Vinci Code,” I was fascinated by references in it to the “Golden Ratio.”   In fact, the author dealt with it fairly elaborately but it kindled my curiosity further.

What is a Golden Ratio?   What is great about it?   I came across this term for the first time myself.  Being an ardent lover of mathematics and mystic theories, I could not resist the temptation of probing further.  I did some studies on my own and the findings have been more than startling.

Beauty and elegance

It is overwhelming to realize that this ratio and its approximations pervade the entire universe in no uncertain ways, manifesting themselves in nature and the overall creation, including human beings, radiating beauty and elegance.

Coming to brass tacks and brushing up some fundamentals, I would like to say that in general, ratio is what we get by dividing a number by another.  If, in a particular case, the result is 1.61803398874989……., then it is called Golden Ratio (GR).  This numeric value is denoted by the Greek letter “Phi.”   Why this prosaic-looking long figure should be termed golden is really the fulcrum of this whole exercise.

Similarly, if the ratio of the length of a rectangle to its breadth is GR, the rectangle is regarded as a Golden Rectangle.   Likewise, there is a Golden Section, a Golden Triangle and a Golden Spiral, each having GR or its approximation as its basis.   It is not my intention here to go into details of how they have been evolved.
 

Human body 

                                                                              Statue of David

Now let us take a look at the human body.   Measure the length from foot to navel and divide it by the measure from navel to head.  What do we get?   Behold, it is GR.   Now, please do the division for the total height of a man and his measure from foot to navel.   We get GR again or an approximation of it.

It is further interesting to calculate the ratio for the length and width of the face, and for the measures from the top of the head to pupil and pupil to lips.   Here too we get GR or something close to it.

So, scientists have concluded that the human body is structured on the principle of GR.   Studies have also established that wherever the actual ratio is GR or a very close approximation of it, such a human figure or face will look stunningly beautiful.  That is why in a crowd, some personalities stand out and we are unable to take our glances away from them!  Ratios are calculated for arms, fingers, legs, ears, nose, teeth and what not to fine tune and understand the perfection of the human anatomy.


                                                        (To be continued)  

                                   

ENGLISH IN SOCIAL NETWORKS

                                   ENGLISH IN SOCIAL NETWORKS

                                     (Musings by Subbaram Danda)

In recent weeks I was quietly wandering through the labyrinthine ways of social networks, some famous and some not so yet.  Though my ramblings were casual, I stumbled upon a treasure trove of fascinating information, particularly on English language usage there.  

I discussed my discovery with a friend of mine.  He entertains the view that just four words are more than enough for anyone to make a mark in a highly popular web  -- “wow, nice, awesome and hilarious !”  I tend to accept his argument without any fear of contradiction.

Yes, these four words have a peculiar aura about them.    They are used, one at a time or in any combination, to describe a photo, a video clip, a joke, a statement or any other post for that matter.   The comment together with one’s photo will appear instantly to be appreciated by a chosen circle of friends and relatives!   What is more, these words can be used again and again.



Smiley icons

In most networks, to add pep to one’s comments a few other expressions are employed, which are purely ornamental in nature.  One or more exclamatory marks are liberally placed next to these four magical words.  Special effects are introduced through the use of smiley icons. 

And then there is a mystifying suffix, which passed past my faculties of comprehension –LoL.  A good soul came to my rescue and pulled me out of my ignorance.  It stands for “Laugh out Loud.”  I am now a wiser guy !

Invariably, all babies whose photos appear in these networks are “cute.”  A variation is “what a cute baby!”  This comment will certainly please the parents of the child whether the little one has chubby cheeks and rosy lips or sports a different look!

Vanishing tribe

Before the advent of the computer era, there was a special tribe much sought after in official circles – stenographers.  That clan has now been classified under “vanishing species.”   Now-a-days computer guys and gals use a script that mimics shorthand!   This is the language that is liberally tossed about and used mostly by teenagers in a few networks to the delight of some and chagrin of others. 

This micro-lingo finds extensive application even where one is not restricted to use of only 140 characters of short notes and chirps.

As this form of super short English grew in popularity by leaps and bounds, I was told, students of a city college felt that their professor of English, a stickler for rules, would commit suicide sooner than later!

There is another face to the language used in almost all of these social networks.   You can express your views in Tamil, Telugu, Hindi or any other tongue, even if you do not know its script, by using English letters!  There is absolutely no bar on it.

Topsy-turvy English

One network officially “supports” 76 languages.   I do not know what it actually means.  Out of curiosity, I went through the entire list and discovered five varieties of English ! I am not kidding.  It is a fact.  The first two – English (U.S.) and English (U.K.) – are understandable.  The next two throw a challenge to one’s intellectual power.   Can you guess what they are?  English (Pirate) and English (Upside-down) !!  The former seems to be a slang.  The latter has its letters written topsy-turvy.   What for?   I have no idea.  The last one is …is… Indian English !  Wow, is it Hindi-oriented or Tamilised?  Let the zealots fight it out !

I was wondering why the network should talk about supporting five different styles of English, when it has all along been allowing usage of varied forms of  it – some easily recognizable, some irritable and some “ignorable” !  Is it all part of a game, whose name is fun?

                                                            ***      

HUMOUR UNLEASHED -- 02

HUMOUR UNLEASHED -- 02

(Compiled by Subbaram Danda)

Here are more jokes to laugh away your blues!

A millionaire

A millionaire appeared in a popular television show.  The interviewer asked him whether he would like to attribute his present status to anybody in particular. 

Pat came the reply, “Yes, of course, my wife.” 

The TV person asked him, “Really, can you please elaborate?”

The millionaire answered:  “It is a long story.  But I will cut it short.  I was a billionaire previously.” 

Shocked husband

A man got his wife admitted in a hospital for the third time for treatment of a nagging disease.  The next day, when a doctor was examining her, he yelled at him and said, “Doctor, I am totally upset over the ways of this hospital.  Next time I will have to think of some other hospital.” 

“Why, what happened?” the physician shot back.  

The man replied with a cool flourish, “Every time I brought her here, I had a shock. She fully recovered!”

Coke personality

Husband to his wife:  “Darling, years ago you had a physique similar to that of a Coke bottle, slim at the center.   What a stunning look you had!  Every girl was jealous of you.”

Wife: “What do you mean?  I still sport the same appearance.”

Husband:  “Yes, I don’t dispute it.  But, there is a difference now.  Earlier it was a 300 millilitre bottle, now it is a 1.5 litre one.”

                                                                ***