HUMOUR UNLEASHED -- 18
(Compiled by Subbaram Danda)
A life without humour is like eating 'idlis' at the
world famous Indian restaurant 'Saravana Bhavan'
without its array of 'chutneys' and spicy 'sambar!'
Best ways
After an hour-long presentation on “The Indian Financial System and Indigenous Sources of Funds”, Professor of Commerce asked his students, “What is the best way of raising money in the country?”
Student 1: “By issue of equity shares to the general public.”
Student 2: “By getting loans from financial institutions and banks.”
Student 3: “By enticing a rich girl, marrying her and tapping her father.”
Next day, the professor spoke on “Savings and Investment” and queried the students, “What is the best way of maximizing family savings?”
Student 1: “By reducing expenditure on items of luxury.”
Student 2: “By investing in high interest-bearing bank deposits.”
Student 3: “By withdrawing the add-on credit card given to the shopping-hungry wife.”
On the third day, the professor lectured on “Managing Money” and cautioned students against pitfalls involved in handling one’s funds. At the end he asked a question, “What is the best way of burning one’s money?”
Student 1: “By blindly investing in stock markets.”
Student 2: “By taking bets in horse races.”
Student 3: “By buying lots of crackers and fireworks for Deepavali and literally setting fire to them in the name of celebrating the festival. This is what ‘burning money’ is all about.”
Nonchalant
A man with totally grey hair and a lot of wrinkles all over his face sat on a bench in a corner of a park. With his hands trembling he started smoking cigarette after cigarette. This went on for long.
Then he opened a whisky bottle and began drinking. In between he kept on eating pieces of pizza from a packet he had brought with him.
Watching all this was a renowned visiting professor of cardiology, who had come to the park with a few local physicians for a stroll and relaxation before he could head for a conference. He approached the man on the bench and told him politely: “Sir, I am a doctor. Smoking, drinking and eating fat-rich junk food are all highly injurious to health. You should gradually cut them down.”
The man replied haughtily: “I don’t care. I have been doing this for years.”
The doctor, after taking a close look at him, advised him once again: “These are luxuries you can ill afford at this age of yours.”
Angrily the man retorted: “What do you mean? I am only 27 years old.”
Ambitious goal
A man told his son: “Look my dear, your twelfth standard public examination is fast approaching. Concentrate on your studies. You should aim at getting admission in a medical college. Imagine how it would be if you become a doctor and earn name and fame.”
Son: “I assure you father, I too have high ambitions.”
After the examination and results, the boy approached his father holding behind his back his marks list and told him: “Father, what would be your reaction if I tell you that I got a centum in Biology and 95 in Physical Sciences?”
Knowing his son in and out, the surprised father replied: “I would certainly have a heart-attack, my son, out of immense joy.”
Son: “Don’t worry dad. That is why I got only a fail mark in both. You are very precious to me.”
He added, “But, be reassured, dad. Today I feel I am well-equipped to be a politician. One day, I will certainly become the Health Minister – far above all doctors. They have to salute me. And I can make more money than a doctor!”
Father: “What do you mean?”
Son: “When a 10th standard-failed person can become the Education Minister, why not I the Health Minister?”
November 5, 2011 (635 words)
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