HUMOUR UNLEASHED -- 15
(Compiled by Subbaram Danda)
Some jokes are like Coke. One has to
cultivate a taste for them. Then
the enjoyment will be total.
What a way to slim!
A stocky middle-aged man, very popular in his circle of friends, was seen losing weight day-by-day. Some were happy that he was slimming but others were worried that he might be facing a major problem.
One day one of his close friends told another, “I am sure he should be going to the gym near his residence.” The other argued, “The problem started after he lost his mother, to whom he was closely attached. He seems to be unable to cope with the loss.”
The friends decided to meet the man and dig out the truth. They went to his residence and one of them asked the man: “Hi, you have been shedding weight consistently. What is the matter? Are you on any slimming programme?”
The man: “No, no. I owe it all to my wife.”
The friend: “There you are. It looks like she wants you to be sleek and smart. She should be taking really good care of you. Is she a nutritionist or a culinary expert?”
The man: “None of them. She is a novice in the kitchen. Ever since my mother’s demise, I have been eating only what she cooked.”
“Honest” accused
The judge to the accused: “You have moved a bail application but do you know that the charges against you are grave? You have been held for a daring house-break and a gruesome murder. You are the head of a notorious gang. What is the guarantee that you will not run away?”
The accused: “My Lord, I want freedom for only 12 hours tonight. I have an important piece of work to do. I will be back after that, I assure you.”
The judge: “What are you going to do?”
The accused: “It is purely personal, my Lord. One night is enough to complete it. Once it is over, I will be back myself in the jail. I am honest, believe me. I am aware this is a court. What I am speaking is whole truth and nothing but truth.”
Upset over his long-winding reply, the judge asks him angrily: “What is that personal work? Are you going to spend your time with your family members?”
The accused in a cool and unperturbed style: “I want to kill my professional rival. If I am hanged in the current case, he will manoeuvre to step into my shoes. I don’t like that to happen. It is my personal wish.”
What’s in a name!
This is a real incident that took place many years ago. A major public sector undertaking, which has its manufacturing unit on the outskirts of Chennai, took a press party from the city to its facility. It had just reached a major milestone in its growth and wanted to apprise the media of its achievements and plans.
The visiting journalists, after going round the plant, moved to a hall, where they sat around a long oval-shaped table. The chairman of the company formally introduced himself and welcomed them. He then came round to meet each one so that he could personally acquaint himself with them.
At one point, a reporter shook hands with the undertaking’s chief and said, “I am Shafiullah Khan from The Hindu.” Then it was the turn of the man next to him. He introduced himself saying, “I am Rama Iyer from The Musalman.” The chairman looked at the two interestingly for a moment and moved forward with a little smile on his face.
(A word about the Chennai media scene: The Hindu is an English daily published from several centres in India, and The Musalman is a popular Chennai-based Urdu newspaper.)
September 24, 2011 (640 words)
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