HUMOUR UNLEASHED -- 14
(Compiled by Subbaram Danda)
"In the world of films it is more
difficult to be a comedian
than a hero."
A “different” wife
A woman’s birthday was fast approaching. She had been asking her husband to take her for shopping but he was cleverly avoiding it.
One day the wife told him in no uncertain terms: “Hi, what do you think you are? My birthday is hardly a week away. I have not got my new clothes yet. If we are not going to the supermarket this week-end, you will see a different type of wife in me.”
The man was aghast. He loved his wife alright but the problem with her was that her appetite for shopping was insatiable. She would spend hours and hours in the mall grabbing all and sundry and finally the bill would sky-rocket.
He pleaded with her: “Darling, do not be upset with me. Actually I have a new idea. Why not we celebrate your birthday in a totally different way – without buying new clothes? You can wear any of the several dresses you bought for the last festival, which still remain untouched. I will take you to the new highly-hyped restaurant for dinner. I will invite your parents and brothers too.”
The wife was not amused, having known his dodging ways for years. She insisted on shopping but he was for a bash at the hotel. After a few minutes of angry exchanges, they agreed to take a decision by tossing a coin.
The husband said: “Heads, we go for dinner with your parents and brothers. Tails, we alone go for dinner. If the coin rests on its edge, we head for shopping.”
Next day she went on a fast. She sat on the porch floor of her house wearing a Gandhian cap and waving the national flag! Some of her friends also squatted there surrounding her.
Problems and problems
Different people deal with problems differently. Their actions speak for themselves. Who is who in this sizzling world of problems? Here is a snapshot:
A person, who predicts problems and keeps on lamenting over them without ever doing anything about them, is a philosopher.
A person, who magnifies problems of the people coming for consultation, terrifies them in a cunning way, offers exotic remedies and extracts easy money out of them, is an astrologer.
A person, who loves people with nagging problems, gives assurances, and feels elated when it becomes clear that they can be fleeced again and again, is a lawyer.
A person, who analyses problems, suggests outlandish methods to tackle them, then creates a controversy over the solutions and finally writes a book on them, is a management guru.
A person, who blows up problems out of proportion and complicates them by tagging in the views of all and sundry, is a television news channel anchor.
A person, who looks for problems with hawk eyes, welcomes them when they arise and employs all weapons in the armour to embarrass the government with them, is a politician of the opposition party.
A person, who views problems vividly but sleeps over them conveniently, allowing them to fade away in the hazy march of time, is a clever government head.
A person, who comes forward to thrash out problems meaningfully without self-interest, is a rare breed.
Affection redefined
A leading television channel ran a daily programme “Meet the Doctor.” It was a major hit with the viewers. One day a diabetologist spoke about the latest advances in the field and also answered questions very ably from the audience.
A woman, who was watching the presentation, called the channel’s number and asked: “Doctor, my mother-in-law, who is 65 years old, has a blood sugar count of 140 (fasting) and 200 (after food). What should she do to control this?”
The physician: “First, she should go to a doctor and seriously follow the advice given. At any rate, she should cut down on consuming “added sugar” in everything she eats and drinks. In particular, she should avoid sweets. Fruits like mango and jack are also a taboo. She should be encouraged to take small quantities of food several times a day at short intervals. She should eat more and more vegetables and walk daily for at least half an hour.”
The young woman was highly pleased. A short while later she received a phone call from a close friend. “Hi, I have been watching the same TV programme. What is this new-found love for your mother-in-law?”
The woman: “Don’t rush to conclusions, my dear. Citing the doctor’s advice, I would like to stop giving her enough food. I want to make the illiterate oldie starve. Then only she won’t have the stamina to find fault with me. How is my idea?”
The friend: “Don’t be too optimistic. It may indirectly help her. Instead, display your affection by giving her lots of sugar-rich food as often as possible!”
Sept.10, 2011 (830 words)
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