Saturday, 22 November 2014

HUMOUR UNLEASHED --31



THE CASE OF A COOL FATHER
(By Subbaram Danda)




A REPORT: A comedy club in Barcelona, Spain, has been organizing laughter shows.  The entry to them has been by tickets per show.   It has now introduced a novel system in the place of tickets.  Accordingly, a person has to pay for every guffaw he lets out during a show.  Each laugh costs Euro 0.30 but there is a ceiling of Euros 24.  A tablet attached to the seat of the person records the number of times he or she laughs. So, no cheating is possible!



Oh, God… the marriage

Two friends, past their middle-age, were taking a walk in a park. 

One of them tells the other, “Only now I feel relieved.  My daughter’s wedding is finally over.  What a strain!  And what a financial drain!  I had to dance to the tunes of the groom’s parents.  I had to borrow heavily.  Wedding expenses alone came to Rs.20 lakhs.  I don’t know when I will be able to clear all those debts.  Only God should help me.”

There was little reaction in the other man.

The first man continued, “You too have a daughter of marriageable age.  Hope you have been saving sufficiently.  Muster your courage and be prepared for the great event.”

Nonplussed, the other person replied, “I am very confident I will not have to face those problems.  I have purchased for my daughter the latest smart phone with Android application.  It has cost me only Rs.6,000.”


The villagers

A woman has been asking her husband to buy a 40-inch flat television set for them.  He has been putting it off by giving her some excuse or the other. 

One day the woman showed him a full-page advertisement in a newspaper offering a decent reduction and insisted that they should go in for it. She argued, “All our neighbours have it. Let us not miss the present opportunity.”

The miserly husband told her in a convincing way, “Look dear, don’t point to our neighbours. Look at our villagers.  Many of them do not have even an ordinary TV set.”

Though enraged, the wife kept quiet.   

A few months passed.  Their fridge started giving trouble.  She asked her husband to buy a new two-door model after selling the old one.   His refrain was, “Look at our villagers.”

To teach him a lesson, the wife planned a strategy.  

One day as usual the husband collected his lunch box from her and went to office.   When he opened it, he was rudely shocked.  One container contained left-over rice of the previous night with a few pieces of green chillies and onion.  The other had butter milk.  

A piece of paper pasted on the side of the box said, “Here is the food that your favourite villagers eat.  Enjoy.” 


The three truths

One:  No person looks as bad as the picture on the Aadhaar Card nor appears in reality as handsome or beautiful as the photo on the FaceBook. 

Two:  No man is as bad as his wife thinks or as good as his mother believes.  No woman is as beautiful as her husband wants or as helpful as her mother-in-law desires.

Three:  Every person would like to have the luck of Prime Minister Narendra Modi.  He has no Leader of the Opposition in the Lok Sabha to come up with daunting questions.


Our adorable Bengaluru!

The social networks are full of sparklers on incredible Bangalore, sorry… Bengaluru.  Sample this:

It is a city where people know the language of C++ better than English.

If you throw a stone randomly in Bangalore, chances are that it will hit a dog or a software engineer. While the dog may or may not have a strap (also known as a leash) around its neck, the software engineer will definitely have one.  

If you are employed in Infosys and go house hunting, chances are bright that you will be turned away.  The house owners will tell you, “We will rent out our premises only to IT guys but not to the people employed in the bus company.”  It appears they think Infosys is a bus-operating company, as it has created the impression that it has more buses on the road than the Bangalore Transport Corporation!  

Finally, out of every group of 100 software engineers in Bangalore, 90 are utterly frustrated and the rest manage to have a girlfriend or a boyfriend.

November 22, 2014