HUMOUR UNLEASHED -- 23
(Compiled by Subbaram Danda)
Laughter is a human being's
natural music of life.
What a feast!
The husband and wife were delighted to celebrate the harvest festival of Pongal with a few of their close relatives and friends. In an environment of mirth and gaiety they went through the traditional rituals, indulged in cheerful banter for a while and finally moved to the dining table for brunch. The husband told the invitees with a touch of pride that the food for the feast had been prepared single-handedly by his wife.
After the dining, when they were relaxing, the calling bell rang and the husband went out to check. He came back and told his wife, “There is a beggar outside. An adamant fellow, he does not want to leave the place without getting something from us to eat. Give him whatever is possible and be done with him.”
Out of consideration, the wife handed the beggar every item she had prepared, which he started eating there itself. At the end he stared at the woman and remarked: “You call this food? Who will eat this especially on a special occasion like today? Even a dog would not touch it.”
The woman got wild and shouted at him: “What non-sense are you talking? You ate everything and still have the guts to utter rubbish. Even my husband paid a tribute to me today. Next time you come this side, I will shoe you out.”
The beggar: “Don’t get angry with me, madam. I relished every bit you gave me. It is only your husband who asked me to say so. Believe me I am innocent. In fact, I had to rehearse the comment several times.”
He went on: “Your husband gave me ten bucks as advance for my service. Convey my thanks to him for his generosity and tell him I am waiting to collect the balance of five bucks which he promised to pay after the job is over.”
The wife rushed inside screaming in high pitch, “I’m in Kolaveri da.”
Bargain most pleasing
A middle-aged woman went to a dentist, who had set up practice a few months ago near her house, to enquire how much she had to shell out for extraction of a molar tooth.
Dentist: “I am a foreign-returned specialist. I use the most modern imported equipment. I employ new techniques of tooth removal using anesthesia and the procedure will be totally painless. My charges will be Rs.3,000.”
Woman totally stunned: “Oh God. It is too much for me. I cannot afford.”
Dentist: “OK, I will reduce my fees. I will use traditional tools and there will be no anesthesia. You pay me only Rs.1,500.”
Woman: “Still it is on the high side. Give me another option.”
Dentist: “Then, I will ask my assistant to do the extraction. The fee will only be Rs.500.” He pointed to a burly figure sitting in a corner flexing his muscles.
Woman: “You will have to reduce it further. It is yet beyond my reach.”
Dentist: “Right. I will leave the job to my apprentice who joined my clinic only last week. You cannot question how he goes about his work. Is that fine with you? You pay only Rs.250.”
Woman: “That sounds excellent, doctor. I will send my mother-in-law for the tooth extraction at 11:00 a.m. tomorrow.”
Matter of worry
One evening a girl returning from her college received a phone call from a friend and immediately rushed to her uncle’s house. Gasping for breath, she told him: “Uncle, my parents have been scouting for an alliance for me despite my protests. Just now I heard that they have almost finalized a groom. This is atrocious.”
Uncle: “Cool down, my dear. What is your problem?”
Girl: “How can they do it without my consent? You should stop this. I am worried, really worried.”
Uncle: “Don’t get worked up. Remember, your father and mother are your well-wishers. I know your parents well and I know you too. My reckoning is that it is the groom, who should now be really worried, not you!”
January 14, 2012 (700 words)
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