HUMOUR UNLEASHED -- 06
(Compiled by Subbaram Danda)
"A day without laughter is a day totally wasted" -- Charlie Chaplin
Golden experience
A week before Akshaya Tritiya, believed to be the most auspicious day in a year to buy gold for continued prosperity, a young man met a friend in a park. They talked about everything under the sun and finally their topic of discussion veered round to Akshaya Tritiya.
Young man: “There seems to be truth in what people say about acquiring gold on the auspicious day. Three years ago my aunt purchased five gold coins on the day and since then she has been incredibly building up her savings and buying gold.”
Friend: “I also know a man, who has turned a new leaf after buying gold on the auspicious day.”
Both took a decision to acquire gold on the upcoming Akshaya Tritiya. They met again after the celebrated day and shared their experiences.
Young man: “I am now the proud possessor of a three-sovereign gold chain. Can you guess how I got it? I stole it from my neighbour.”
Friend: “Do you think I am less talented? I now have a gold ring. I eased it stealthily out of the finger of my lover.”
They were jubilant that they could acquire gold on Akshaya Tritiya and looked forward to a rosy future in their lives. They agreed to meet after a month and exchange notes on whatever progress they could make.
And they did meet – in jail !
Politician’s speech
A politician made a long speech at a public meeting on the sands of the Marina in Chennai, India. As he concluded his talk and left the podium, there were resounding whistles and catcalls, followed by synchronized clapping. He took them as a positive response from the crowd and felt satisfied.
However, he wanted to double check with the person seated next to him on the dais and asked him, “How was my speech?”
The person remained quiet for a minute embarrassed to express what he had in mind and then replied, “I think you should make such a speech on the television.”
“Is it because the small screen has a far wider audience than a public meeting?” the politician was eager to know.
The person answered with a cool flourish, “There, one has an option to change the channel.”
Winning ad
A newspaper decided to launch a campaign to boost its revenues from classified advertisements. Next day it carried an announcement: “For a week from today we will be pleased to accept free of charge classified ads under the head Wanted. They should be simple and short, their words not exceeding ten. The ad, which will receive the maximum number of responses, will be entitled to a bumper prize – the latest version of BMW limousine.”
After a week it was found that one particular ad had attracted an unusually large number of replies and the newspaper selected that entry for the prize.
The ad was: “Wife wanted.”
The responses were equally brief and nearly uniform: “Take mine.”
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