Writer's Ezine, a popular literary online monthly, has carried a breezy short story of mine in its September 2015 issue released today. It is a special celebratory edition, brought out to mark a milestone in the journal's onward journey.
The Musings of a Balding Man
Suddenly one
morning Vijay looked intently at his
framed photograph hung on a wall in his bedroom. It was taken years ago shortly
after his marriage, with his better half standing next to him. Neatly groomed thick dark hair on his head stood
out prominently, adding a touch of smartness to his overall appearance.
He rushed to
the bath room and stood in front of the mirror.
What a contrast! His reflection
showed only a few streaks of hair that too silvery. They also threatened to enter the annals of
extinct species any time.
In a moment,
various thoughts flashed in his mind.
How do cine actresses and actors manage their ‘hairy traditions’? Despite advancing age, erstwhile dream girls
of the silver screen retain their glamorous looks with dark tresses cascading down
their head. Macho men of yesteryears too
show off their attractive manes.
Science has
made a lot of progress and he wondered why he should not take advantage of it to
fix his receding hairline. He hit the
Google search engine and soon several advertisements popped up, confusing him
to the core.
Seeing his
predicament, his wife came to his rescue.
A nice and understanding woman, she advised him not to worry and asked him
to give a “missed call” to a number.
Obviously she was taking a cue from an advertisement on the
television.
He called
the number and disconnected after some rings.
Within a few minutes he got a call back and he could hear a sweet
feminine voice. “Sir, we are specialists
in solving your hair problems. After
decades of research we have produced a gel brand-named Dintan. It is essentially made from rare herbs found
only in the dense jungles of South Africa. It will stop hair-fall and ultimately halt
balding.”
He heard the
sales talk patiently but she would not give him an idea of what damage it would
inflict on his wallet. He finally asked
her, “How much a can of Dintan would cost and how many cans I should use before
I could see results?”
She parried the
question ably and went on with her well-tutored torrent. “Sir, we have our consumers throughout India
and abroad. You should have seen our
advertisements on various television channels, several times a day. Our products are very popular.”
Obviously
she was trying to brainwash him about the product’s popularity. He started losing his cool. It became clear to him that the product had a
high price tag, judging from the way she was avoiding his question. Also, they had been shelling out a lot of
money on TV ads, which they should make up.
At last she came to the point. “To answer your query, Sir, each can of 100 grams of Dintan would cost only Rs.1,999.99. And by the time you complete using ten cans, you would have grown thick lustrous hair. You have my guarantee.”
Who was this
woman to give him a guarantee? She was
not an authorized representative of the company. She was only a call-centre girl. He said immediately, “Thank you, madam. I will come back to you.”
Next day Vijay
broached the subject with a close friend of his. He suggested using a Korean cream prepared
from the excreta of a rare species of crocodiles. It should be applied on the head at least
twice a day. Vijay had always abhorred
the very sight of crocs. Now he should
buy their poop and rub it on his head!
What an idea!! Anger laced with snigger
raced through his head. He shouted at his
friend and they stopped talking to each other since then.
Soon a
half-page advertisement in a newspaper caught Vijay’s attention. It promised “simplified” hair
transplant! It offered an “innovative
method of performing surgical hair replacement” through a “painless and
seamless” process. It guaranteed growth,
density and permanent hair on the scalp.
That kept him
wondering. “Where from are they going to
get hair for the transplant?” He
shuddered. He had always been scared of surgical
operations. He detested even a small pin
prick. So he brushed aside the idea of a
hair transplant.
Finally, Vijay
thought of approaching his cousin, who was into everything and was believed to
be knowledgeable about all things under the sun.
“Don’t
worry, dear. Right now a sage from the
Himalayan holy town of Rishikesh is in the city. Swami Arogyananda has solutions for all
health-related problems -- physical, psychological and emotional. He has specialized in matters of the scalp. Seek his advice and you will be happy. Take my word,” his cousin assured him. He gave him the address of the place, where the
sage was staying -- the guest house of a top ranking film star -- and its
telephone number.
Religiously,
Vijay called the number and got an appointment – for a time slot a week later. As the swamiji had a tight schedule, he could
be with him for only fifteen minutes.
The day
arrived and Vijay landed at the place, dreaming about his head gleaming with
thick lustrous hair again. At a counter with
the sign “May I help you” he enquired about his appointment and he was
delighted that his name had been correctly listed. He was asked to pay a fee of Rs.5,000 for consultation
with the sage. With trepidation he paid
it and got a receipt for the amount. At
the bottom a phrase in fine print stared at him—“no refund under any
circumstances.” He wondered what it all
meant but hoped he would get true value for the money spent. Anyhow, he was happy that everything was being
accounted for and was going on in a streamlined fashion.
His turn
came. It was a dimly-lit room with
flower-bedecked, framed photographs of several gods of the Hindu pantheon hung beautifully
on a wall straight ahead. Aroma from
burning incense sticks wafted all around.
Sage Arogyananda was seated on a tiger skin at the centre. He wore long flowing saffron robes and a
silky green headgear adorned with strings of milky white pearls. He had no beard. His jaws were prominently set. His eyes glinted mesmerizingly. He was at least ten years younger than Vijay. The sage looked at him very benignly. In a moment Vijay came under his magic
spell. He narrated his story to him.
There was none else in the room.
Sage
Arogyananda smiled at him at first and then burst into laughter. “Dear Bhakta,
what you need is not a gel, a cream or a transplant but a fresh frame of mind to
understand and appreciate the tenets of universal truth. I will make you realize them. Take my word.
Have confidence in me. You will
be alright,” he said. In a jiffy he ran
his right hand under the headgear he was wearing and pulled it off. Behold!
He had a bald head, shining demurely!
So, he was Swamy Sunyakesananda!
In
encouraging words he advised Vijay, “Don’t despair. Hold your head high. Don’t go against the nature. A receding hairline, or a scalp shorn of hair,
is not a disaster. It has its own unique
advantages – at least ten.” He then went
on narrating them – his pearls of wisdom.
1. The bald man does not have to bother about going to a
barber shop every month. More important,
he can put a stop to the snide comments of his wife after every visit to the
shop about how his hair has been groomed.
2. His wife need not buy his preferred brand of hair
oil. Instead, she can buy nail polish
for her own use.
3. He can forget head bath with coconut oil and
shampoo. Just pouring a few mugs of
water over the head is enough.
4. If this is done daily, his head will remain cool
too. He would not mind his wife nagging
him.
5. He finds no need to comb his hair. Smearing a few of drops of oil on the smooth
surface will do. The oil can be stolen stealthily from the bottle of his wife.
6. The most gratifying thing is that there is no
necessity to search for grey hair and pull them out without the knowledge of
the children.
7. He can enjoy his grand children rubbing his head with
their tender palms, accompanied by shrill giggles. This is a rare gift by God given only to a
select few.
8. He can be easily identified in a crowd if lost in an
exhibition or in a mall.
9. With the overall savings, he can take his wife and
children to a film and let them enjoy it, while he himself can have a blissful
sleep.
10. He can chuckle within himself appreciating the
scientific fact that bald men are more virile than others.
Vijay
listened to the sage in rapt attention. He was overwhelmed by his exceptional
erudition and worldly wisdom. All his ideas
would stand test of time. Vijay offered his
pranams to the sage and turned
back. Instantly he felt reformed and
emboldened. He could feel a new transformation
overtaking him.
He realized
that soon he would be a sunyakeshadhari.
So what? He would go about it
nonchalantly. As advised, he would hold his head high and his chin up. This
would be his attitude always. It was acquired
at a cost. How could he forget its price
tag of R.5,000?
