SPARKLERS OF A HILARIOUS KIND

Celebrate the Festival of Lights not only with new clothes, 
crackers and sweets but also with an outburst

 of laughter.  Here is a pack  of jokes

 specially crafted for Diwali. 
    Unwrap it and enjoy.   

   Happy festivities!   

DIWALI GUFFAWS GALORE

(By Subbaram Danda)

A woman sent a message to her husband in office through WhatsApp:  “Hi, apply for a week’s holiday for Diwali.  We are going to our parents place.  My father called a short while ago and invited us.  Let us make it without fail.   Treat it as very important.”

The man was flabbergasted.  It was the first time in five years of his married life that he was getting an invitation to spend a week’s time at his in-laws place.  What was happening?

As he returned home in the evening, he could see his wife waiting eagerly for him.  In a jiffy she fetched a cup of hot coffee and enquired, “Has the leave been sanctioned?  I am very anxious.”

“Yes, yes, tell me what it is all about. I am equally curious to know.”

She replied coyly, “As you know, some days ago I sent them a packet of ‘badam halwa’ you prepared at home for the Dasara festival and they liked it very much.  In fact, they were ecstatic about its flavour and taste.  Now, they want you to make the delicacy for them in their place for Diwali.”

 

The husband and wife watched with great interest Bahubali-2 movie telecast by Vijay T.V.   They had missed seeing it in a cinema hall when it was released.  The woman liked the pearl necklace that the Queen Mother in the film sported.  She asked her husband in an endearing tone, “Hey, can you buy me a similar necklace for Diwali?  I promise I won’t ask for anything else.” 

He did not want to disappoint her.  He replied, “OK, you are getting it.  Drive to our jeweller’s show room and buy the one you like.  You can use my debit card.  You know its PIN.”

After closely inspecting a dozen pieces, she purchased one with pearls shimmering demurely and returned home.  With great pride she kept showing it to her neighbours.  One granny wondered whether the pearls were real at all.   That comment was enough for the woman to doubt the quality of the pearls.   However, she wanted her husband to judge it, as he was a professor of chemistry. 

When he came back home that evening, she checked with him and he promised to verify it in his college lab.  The next day, as he returned, his face was beaming.  He told his wife, “You are an excellent shopper.  I am proud of you.  You have bought a really genuine pearl necklace.  All the pearls got dissolved when thrown into acid.”

Shocked, his wife stared at him for a minute and went into the kitchen.  The professor was next seen on a bed in the orthopaedic ward of a hospital nearby.

A newly-married woman was going through a colourful brochure that a leading textile firm produced for Diwali and sent to its regular customers.    She paid close attention to every piece of dress illustrated in it.  After a few minutes, she stopped turning the pages and concentrated on a particular display.  “Beautiful,……beautiful,” she exclaimed.  

Her husband sitting next to her on the sofa was watching her silently.

“Take a look at this.  Let me have your reaction,” she handed the booklet to him.

“Beautiful,…..beautiful,” he too commented.

She expected that he would offer to buy her the sari that a model there sported.  But he did not.  “That’s all?” she queried raising her voice a bit.

“Oh, ya, I see…  The sari with the floral design set in a rich pink background is really beautiful.  Strikingly more beautiful is the model draping it.  What is her name?  I have seen her in the Bigg Boss reality show.  She has emerged the most popular housemate,” he went on.  But, before he could complete his narration he felt a big thud on his head.  He could not regain his consciousness for an hour. 

A man wanted to avoid accompanying his wife during her shopping errands for Diwali, as she would spend hours to make just one selection.  A smart idea flashed in his mind. 

He called his wife from office and said, “Sweetie, I have good news for you.  A famous textile firm has recently opened a new outlet near our office.  I intend going there this evening.  I understand it has received fresh stocks of trendy wear for women. Tell me whether you want two grand saris, two designer churidars or one sari and one churidar.  Don’t worry about the expenses.  I have this morning received my bonus.”

His wife (after a minute’s pause): “Darling, it is very sweet of you.  I leave the decision to you.  Buy the ones convenient to you while washing.”

A social activist to his friend: “Delhi and the National Capital Region will have an almost noiseless Diwali this time, thanks to Supreme Court’s order banning sale of fireworks.  But we in Chennai down south are not that fortunate.  Senior citizens suffer most from noise and atmospheric pollution.  Hundreds of birds also die out of shock from noise during Diwali.

Friend:  “Don’t worry.  You too can enjoy a near noiseless Diwali.  It is simple.  Use only the crackers made in China.  Don’t you know Chinese products are sub-standard?”

Teacher: Give an example for the idiomatic expression “burning money.”

Student 1: Investing money in a stock market taking the advice of a girlfriend.

Student 2: Spending money on imported cosmetics for use by wife.

Student 3: Lending money to son-in-law.

Student 4: Withdrawing money from the bank, buying crackers and setting fire to them for Diwali.

 

It is a common practice for peons, janitors and watchmen working in Indian companies and government offices to collect bakshis for Diwali from higher staff and officers.  But this time the path-breaking and innovative economic policies of the government are likely to add a new dimension to the age-old custom. 

According to reports emanating from the corridors of power in New Delhi, the Central Government is considering imposing GST on payment of Diwali bakshis.

A sign on the front wall of a famous Godman’s sprawling ashram:  “Dear devotees, I have started giving my Diwali blessings well in advance to help you avoid last minute rush.  You are most welcome with your offerings of cash and gold coins.  No digital payments please, as I am old-fashioned.   Sorry, no sweets or chocolates either, since I am a diabetic.  Of course, no flowers.  Your cooperation will please the God.”

===

October 15, 2017

===

THE BAHUBALI MANIA SPREADS WINGS

THE INCREDIBLE INFLUENCE

(By Subbaram Danda)

The victorious run of the two Bahubali movies has set off a wide variety of commercial activities nationwide.  In the textile world exciting fashion trends have emerged.  Jewellery designs have undergone a sea change. The literary scene has witnessed arrival of new novels with the Bahubali theme.  Next in line to get influenced is production of toys and show-pieces.  An amusement park on the outskirts of Chennai has introduced a special programme.  Of course, the jokes generated by the films are now the staple household fare. 

Saris

Bahubali saris of a bewildering variety have flooded the market.  Essentially, they are of two types -- those with pictures of the Bahubali scenes printed on them and those similar to the ones worn by the leading characters of the film.

Interestingly, the saris and other ready-mades featuring the movie scenes were produced first by the Gujarati textile industry to be later followed by others.  The primary motif used is the eye-catching scene of Amarendra Bahubali teaching Devasena the complicated steps in archery.  One can buy Bahubali combos as well – especially printed kurtis and saris.

The designs, patterns and colours of the saris worn by the actresses have been reproduced by a million.  There are brocades, chiffons, georgettes, poly silks, processed jutes and plain cottons in jacquard, embroidered, embellished or simply printed varieties, all reflecting the royal exuberance.

The prices range from Rs.999.  Online outlets have joined the band wagon in large numbers offering attractive pieces.

Jewellery

No ornament lover would have missed the stunningly artistic jewellery that Devasena and Sivagami flaunted scene after scene in the film.  Even men characters did not lag behind.  The ornaments radiate a touch of antiquity in view of the historic perspective of the film but they do have a modern appeal.

For the film, the jewels were designed and produced by Jaipur-based Amrapali Jewellery, which has officially partnered with the movie makers for the purpose.  It has about 30 outlets all over India and its Hyderabad unit coordinated with a film team to ensure that the pieces meet the exacting demands of the film.

Telugu television channels vied with each other in presenting to viewers the 1,500-odd jewellery items that Amrapali produced.  Most of them are silver-based and gold-plated, as only such a process will yield precision and glow to the jewels and match the opulent settings.  They include necklaces, bangles, bracelets, anklets, ear rings, waist belts, arm bands, ear rings, nose pins and what not.  All of them have been hand-crafted.  A large group of designers worked tirelessly for months turning out the precious products at Jaipur and Hyderabad.

Amrapali has put them on show for people to see, admire and even purchase. Interestingly, some of them are multi-purpose ones.  A necklace can be worn as a waistband too. 

Many other jewellers have also entered the arena.  And there is a Bahubali mangalasutra too!

Books

In sync with the sweeping developments, books have hit the market to serve as companions to the cinematic creations.  Two major literary works are “The Rise of Sivagami” by Anand Neelakantan (Westland Publications) and “Bahubali: Battle of the Bold” (Graphic India).

Director of the films S.S. Rajamouli is all praise for “The Rise of Sivagami.”  He says, “I may have brought Sivagami to life on screen, but it is Anand Neelakantan, who has given her wings.”

“Bahubali: Battle of the Bold” is a graphic novel giving people fresh insights into the characters and taking them into a world of new adventures with Bahubali and other pivotal characters.     

Toys and figurines

The Bahubali euphoria has spread to production of toys and figurines as well.

 

Children are going crazy to own and show off swords similar to those used in the movies.  These toy weapons are made of quality plastic incorporating safety features.

Figurines of major characters of the films have been produced, which can serve as show pieces in the drawing room,   Models of Amarendra and Bhalladeva in their full battle outfits are much sought after.

Theme park

Kishkinta, a well-known theme park near Tambaram on the outskirts of Chennai, has introduced a new programme based on the Bahubali concept.  A promotional video promises visitors that the programme will enable them to relive the roles of Bahubali and other actors. 

Jokes

Ever since the first Bahubali flick hit the entertainment world, humour writers have been busy churning out pieces on WhatsApp, Facebook and the rest of the social media.  Sample the following. 

Teacher: Who is the first man to set foot on the moon?

Student: Bahubali.

Teacher: (Angrily) What?

Student: Bahu means ARM and Bali means STRONG. 

***

Amarendra Bahubali did not consume liquor anywhere in the film.  He was killed by Kattappa.

Bhallaladeva also did not touch liquor.  He was done to death by Mahendra Bahubali.

Only crafty King Bhujjaladeva lived till the end.  He was a regular drinker!

***

Neither a bunch of flowers nor any words of endearment will help a young man win the heart of his lover, but surely a couple of tickets to Bahubali.

***

Why did Kattappa kill Bahubali?  This was the teaser at the end of the first Bahubali film.  It was a great marketing strategy.  This has given rise to a plethora of funny reactions.  Here are some:

Kattappa killed Bahubali because the toothpaste that he used had a lot of salt in it!  It made him the most trustworthy slave to his royal bosses.  That is why he executed their orders without asking a question.

A job recruiting agency advertised:  “Don’t be like Kattappa carrying out obediently all orders of your higher-ups in the office.  Kick your job today.  We will get you a better position.”

 A man applied for a day’s leave.  The reason he cited was: “Going to stand in the queue to buy tickets for the Bahubali movie.  My mind will blow off if I do not know by the first show on the first day the reason why Kattappa killed Bahubali.”

***

And the show will go on. Only time will unfold what more Bahubalis can do.

(Ends)

June 06, 2017

BAHUBALI - 02 : MY REVIEW

A COLOSSAL ENTERTAINER

(By Subbaram Danda)

Amarendra Bahubali teaching archery to Devasena.

BAHUBALI - 02 : THE CONCLUSION is a grand spectacle of gigantic proportions.  Lavish sets, exotic locations and splendid graphics make the film a cinematic extravaganza.  Bizarre battle scenes, blood curdling fights and frenzied heroic deeds come out vividly alive.  Glitzy dances, tuneful songs and catchy lyrics add a touch of romance to the action-oriented fast-paced three-hour show.  The movie dazzles, mesmerises and stuns the viewers.  

My wife and I watched the Telugu version of the film at a PVR cinema hall in the Grand Mall at Chennai’s southern suburb of Velachery on May 2.  To say the least, we enjoyed it.

At the PVR cinemas, Velachery

 

The picture succeeds BAHUBALI - 01: THE BEGINNING, which was a major hit a couple of years ago.  It ended throwing up a teaser.   Why did most loyal and faithful warrior chief Kattappa (Satyaraj) kill Amarendra Bahubali (Prabhas) of the royal family?  This kept the film-goers wondering. They eagerly looked forward to the sequel.

Amarendra Bahubali in one of his proud moments

The story of the final part bristles with twists and turns, intrigues and imponderables.  At times it lacks in conviction.  It revolves around two contenders to the throne of the kingdom of Mahishmati -- cousins Amarendra Bahubali and Bhallaladeva (Rana Daggubati).  The two covet Princess Devasena (Anushka Shetty) of another territory.  However, Bahubali and Devasena hit it off.  Also, the reigning Queen Mother Sivagami of Mahishmati (Ramya Krishnan) favours Bahubali to the throne in view of his gallantry.  But falling a prey to Bhallaladeva’s machinations, she directs Bahubali to choose either love or crown.   Bahubali prefers the hand of Devasena.  Bhallaladeva ascends the throne and manages to get Bahubali banished from the palace.  He further prevails upon the queen to order over-faithful Kattappa to assassinate Bahubali.  Bound by his word to serve the royalty under all circumstances, Kattappa completes his job by stabbing him in the back.  This part appears patently contrived and many may not like it.  The revenge scene unfolds years later and is enacted by Amarendra’s son Mahendra Bahubali (Prabhas in a double role).  His soulmate is Avantika (Tamannah). 

Devasena in a dance sequence

The arena for the coronation of  Bhallaladeva

  

A part of the Mahishmati palace

Kattappa stabbing Amarendra Bahubali in the back

Bhallaladeva

Mahendra Bahubali

What makes the film succeed exceedingly well, despite the unconvincing and over-stretched storyline, is its glittering package of bewitching visual effects. In the euphoria generated, the viewers remain completely awe-struck. While the first flick was a treat to watch, the second is a feast to relish.  One should see it in a cinema hall with a modern wide screen and excellent acoustics to savour its delights.  The emotions expressed by Ramya Krishnan, Anushka and Prabhas overwhelm the viewers.  Satyaraj's performance is one of his career's best. Cinematographer Senthil Kumar has done a marvellous job turning his frames into memorable images.  Director S.S. Rajamouli merits all-out appreciation for making his entire team toil willingly to produce a masterpiece.

The film opened on April 28, 2017 in over 9,000 screens nationwide, including 1,500 in just the two Telugu-speaking states of Andhra Pradesh and Telangana.  This is in addition to overseas releases.  The cash registers kept ringing and the box office collected a record Rs.125 crores on the first day itself.  Even Bahubali-01, which garnered Rs.60 crore on the inaugural day, seems an underperformer now!  Through its full run, the first part reportedly fetched Rs.600 crores and the sequel promises to rake in Rs.1,200 crores going by current trends. 

The fantasy has unwittingly bagged another trophy.  It has proudly lifted the status of the south Indian film industry to new heights of glory, smashing the dominance of Bollywood not only in terms of collections but also in creating world-class blockbusters. 

May 02, 2017

----

BHUBANESWAR : TEMPLES GRAND AND OLD

“A city of temples” -- this tagline is very apt for Bhubaneswar.  A string of centuries-old temples attracts a large number of visitors daily from all over India and abroad.  In fact, the city has very many other shrines as well.  The tagline has stuck though the capital city of Odisha has made rapid strides towards becoming modern.  The city is an essential part of the state’s Golden Triangle -- Puri, Konark and Bhubaneswar.

RARE, STRANGE AND UNIQUE

(By Subbaram Danda)

Lingaraj temple

Among all abodes of Hindu worship in Bhubaneswar, Lingaraj temple stands out as the most unique, largest and most visited.  Built in the eleventh century, the sprawling temple is dedicated to Harihara, a fusion of Vishnu and Shiva.  This mode of veneration is a rarity.  There are only about half a dozen similar temples in India and a few overseas.  Paintings and sculptures, of course, liberally portray this form of divinity. The concept of Harihara is a profound philosophical expression that unifies two apparently different aspects of the same Supreme Being.     

Built by King Jajati Kesari, it was originally designed as a Shiva temple as the term Lingaraj connotes.  The Shiva linga in the sanctum is said to be Swayambhu (self-originated).  But in course of time with Vaishnavism becoming prominent in the region, the linga itself came to be treated as Harihara and worshipped accordingly.   The temple also underwent some changes.  At the main entrance, on either side of the door, one can see even today a Trishul (trident) and a Chakra (wheel) representing the two deities.

Around the main temple, there are numerous smaller shrines for other deities within the complex fortified by a high wall.  The main Vimana (tower over the sanctum) rises to a height of 180 feet and exhibits sculptures of divine beings, royalty, dancers, musicians, animals and hunters. 

The tower of the Lingaraj temple

An interior view

A long shot of the Lingaraj temple

Rajarani temple

Mystery surrounds the Rajarani temple.  It stands without any presiding deity inside!  It has always been so, according to our guide.   Why?  He has no credible explanation.  Interestingly, all other essential architectural segments of the temple are intact -- the tower, the audience hall and the porches.  

Another intriguing feature is that the name of the temple has nothing to do with any king or queen but refers to a type of sandstone locally available called Rajarani.  The temple was built with such stones. 

Who constructed it?  It is also an enigma.  An inference attributes it to Somavamshi kings, who had migrated from Central India to Orissa.  Similarly, its time of construction is a conjecture – 11^th century.

All said and done, it is a great temple to visit, especially because its sculptures come out alive, brilliantly and gorgeously.

A well-laid-out pathway with neat lawns and hedge plants lead visitors to the temple far interior.  Cool shadow trees encircle the small temple.  The frontage is not very impressive.  But going around it, one is struck by the beauty and exuberance of its architectural splendour.  Its main tower rises to a height of 60 feet.

Figures of slender women fondling a child, looking into a mirror, removing an anklet, caressing a bird, playing an instrument or holding a tree branch are all there in an exceptionally well-preserved form.  Sculptures of damsels in amorous dalliance do not fail to shock the visitors.

As there is no worship, only tourists and heritage lovers visit the temple.

The imposing tower of the Rajarani temple

The well-preserved sculptures of the Rajarani temple

The overall view of the Rajarani temple

Mukteswar temple

One of the most compact places of worship in Bhubaneswar, Mukteswar temple is renowned for its architectural adornments.  Its arched gateway is a masterpiece of extra-ordinary craftsmanship in stone. No visitor misses the languorously reclining damsels etched on it and bands of other delicate embellishments.   In another respect also it is significant.   The gateway is not part of any other temple in the region.  This aspect imparts uniqueness to the temple.

The ceiling of the porch displays an eight petal lotus in a brilliant formation.  The tower and walls of the temple exhibit sculptures drawn from Hindu scriptures and tales of Panchatantra. Of course, beasts and beauties have their due place.  A specialty is portrayal of ascetics in different poses of meditation.  Through this depiction Mukteswar temple seeks to convey that meditation is essential to attain mukti (deliverance from earthly bonds).

The Shiva temple dates back to the 10^th century and it is postulated that Somavamshi king Yayati built it.  It is considered a monument of importance in the study of development of Hindu temples in Odisha.

The ornate arched gateway of the Mukteswar temple

The overall view of the temple

A neat pathway leading to the Mukteswar temple

These are the three most prominent temples that a tourist to Bhubaneswar should visit for their variegated fare.  They are sure to leave a lasting impression on anyone.  There are still a few others worth a visit.  We  could not, however, go there for want of time.

End of the series on Odisha.

April 18, 2017