HUMOUR UNLEASHED -- 27



HUMOUR UNLEASHED -- 27

(Compiled by Subbaram Danda)

Life with a dash of humour is like a

bed of flowers, colourful and fragrant

Thief Catcher

As the capital city of a state in the United States witnessed a spate of burglaries without any sign of abatement, the worried Governor announced a million dollar reward to anyone, who would help the baffled Police track down the criminals. A resourceful Non-Resident Indian, a brilliant techie, spent sleepless nights and came out with a machine that would catch the thieves.

It was such an awesome gadget that in a week it caught seven burglars. They all confessed to their crime. It was tested in other countries for its effectiveness and it fared even better there. In England it nabbed ten robbers in a week and in Zambia it detected 15 cases in a similar time-frame.

Soon the NRI became a super hero, hogging the media limelight.

He presented one gadget to India free of cost out of love for his motherland. He eagerly waited for its performance evaluation report. It came sooner than expected – “it was stolen on the very first day of its operation!”



Smart Move

The young woman did not like her mother-in-law. Not a day passed without a tug of war between the two. The daughter-in-law was not cut out for adjustments on her part. She tried all the tricks in the book to subdue the oldie but they produced no tangible results. Fed up, she wanted to employ a new weapon -- curry the elder’s favour and gradually win her over!

The New Year was fast approaching. The youngster went shopping and purchased two silk saris, one for Rs.10,000 and the other for Rs.8,000. She wanted to retain the expensive one for herself. But she knew that her mother-in-law would be dead angry at this. So she interchanged the price tags and took the two saris home.

The daughter-in-law showed both the saris to her mother-in-law and offered her the one with the price tag of Rs.10,000 saying, “Hi dear, this is for you.” The old woman was surprised. She, however, smelt a rat. Taking a close look, she found out the truth.

The mother-in-law told the youngster, “Oh my dear, it is very kind of you to have purchased a costlier sari for me. But, as you know, you are the one going out more often than me to meet friends and relatives. I am almost always stuck at home. So, I would like to have the one with the lowest price tag of Rs.8,000.”



Kid's Prayer

A man and his five-year-old son went to a temple. As the man stood in front of the sanctum sanctorum with folded hands letting out soft whispers, the boy watched him closely. While walking back, the kid asked him, “Dad, what did you do?” The man replied, “I prayed to God, my son.”

The boy asked his father to teach him how to pray, as he would also like to do so. “It is very simple, my dear. Close your eyes, say a word of thanks to God for being kind to you and your family and then make a wish for yourself, your family members, friends or for that matter anyone else you may like.”

The kid moved back to the sanctum and started praying. “God, thank you for your overall kindness. I have several wishes. Please grant them all without fail. My younger sister should not steal pencils from me. My next-door pal should not quarrel with me while playing. My mother should prepare really tasty dishes like the ones served in the restaurant. Please provide nice dresses to the two young women seen without clothes on my father’s iPhone.”

December 14, 2013

ELLORA CAVES : THE MAGNIFICENT "KAILASH"

ELLORA CAVES : CREATIVE EXCELLENCE

(By Subbaram Danda)

The grand view of the "Kailash" cave



The long cherished ambition of our family to visit the world-famous Indian heritage site of Ellora caves, along with similar monuments of Ajanta at a different location, bore fruit last year.   Camping at the city of Aurangabad in the state of Maharashtra we first drove to the Ellora caves about 35 kilometres away.  Well-mowed expansive lawns and neatly-pruned flower plants in front of the caves greeted us.   

Scooped out of the cliffs of the Sahyadri range of hills, the caves number over 100 but only 34 of them are prominent and well patronized.  With superb stone images and stunning creative art works, 17 of them reflect the doctrines of the Hindu faith, 12 Buddhist and 5 Jain.   Built between the 6^th and 12th centuries AD, they are temples of a distinctive kind, prayer halls or monasteries.    

Undoubtedly, the Kailash cave enjoys pride of place.  It is designed on the lines of Mount Kailash, the conceptualized abode of Lord Shiva and his consort Parvati of the Hindu pantheon of Gods. 

It is a unique cave-temple, exceptionally different from others in the Ellora cluster.  For its creation, its builders selected a gigantic monolithic rock and adopted the method of “vertical excavation.”  Accordingly, its stone carvers started at the top of the rock chipping and chiselling and moved systematically downwards.  Today’s visitors, once inside, would get the feeling of having entered a regular temple complex, despite it being a cave, with a lot of space open to the sky.

As we stepped into it, we were awe-struck by its colossal ambience, sculptural splendour and all-pervading grandeur.  Built by King Krishna I of the Rashtrakuta dynasty in the 8^th century, it is an outstanding example of Dravidian architecture, characterized by striking proportions, elaborate ornamentation and astounding workmanship.

With multiple storeys, the cave-temple presents a sanctum for Shiva in the form of an enormous stone linga, several smaller shrines, long arcades, ornate pillars and decorative niches.  Images of deities sculpted on innumerable wall panels are strikingly attractive.   Carved figures of animals, natural sceneries and floral patterns can be seen everywhere.    Highly impressive are two soaring rock-cut obelisks (rectangular pillars) standing independently in the courtyard. The base of the main sanctuary gives the impression that it is being held aloft by elephants.  The overall temple’s area is said to be twice that of the renowned shrine of Parthenon in Athens, Greece. 

Among the Buddhist caves, what attracts the visitors most is a chaityagriha (prayer hall) that displays a vaulted roof with “ribs” uniquely cut as if done in wood by a skilled carpenter.  It also shows off another outstanding feature.  To appreciate it, one should step inside, walk to the far end on the left and chant a hymn aloud.  A pleasing echo keeps reverberating for a while. 

The Jain caves are not relatively large but they should also be seen for exceptionally done-up sculptures, intricate bas reliefs and other works of art.  They largely highlight the ascetic philosophy of the religion. 

The Ellora caves, described as “the epitome of Indian rock-cut architecture,” have received the “world heritage” tag from the United Nations Educational Scientific and Cultural Organization (UNESCO).  Lovers of ancient art and architecture will certainly cherish a visit to the caves.



A sculpture of "Gajalakshmi" at the entrance to the "Kailash" cave







A lion and an elephant tugging at each other in the "Kailash" cave







One of the two obelisks in the courtyard of "Kailash" cave




An extrior view of a cave




A powerful sculpture





A harmonious divine relationship frozen in stone

 









The celestial wedding of Shiva and Parvati



AJANTA CAVES : THE DELIGHT OF HERITAGE LOVERS



THE CHARM OF AJANTA CAVES

(By Subbaram Danda)

A painting masterpiece : Bodhisattva Padmapani
(An enlightened being holding a lotus flower, a symbol of peace)



Ajanta caves, situated about 100 kilometres from the city of Aurangabad in the state of Maharashtra, India, are rock-cut Buddhist prayer halls, monasteries or monuments displaying exquisite paintings and sculptures considered to be the “masterpieces of ancient Indian art.”   They were built between the 2^nd century BC and the 6^th century AD by excavating on the side face of the cliffs of the Sahyadri range of hills overlooking a vast gorge.  

Sometime after their creation, they were left abandoned and forgotten for strange reasons.  They remained so for centuries under sand and rubble, covered by think vegetation.  It was only in 1819 AD that they were re-discovered by a team of British soldiers on a hunting expedition.    The caves, numbering thirty, are located next to each other in the form of a horse-shoe.  Some are unfinished, while a few are very small.    A running pathway links them all.

In several Ajanta caves, colourful paintings outnumber images in stone.  The murals on walls, pillars and ceiling depict incidents in the life of Buddha and his teachings.   They also capture the variegated life-styles of the people of those times representing a multi-layered society – their costumes, hair-styles, jewellery, musical instruments, culinary skills, beliefs and rituals.   Unfortunately today, not many paintings are in fine shape, having been battered by the elements. 

To prevent further damage, the authorities provide just enough light in these caves for people to move around.  Torch lights carried by the visitors, though permitted, are of little help and flash photography is prohibited. 

In contrast, the sculptures, wherever they are dominant, stand out magnificently.  It is Buddha, Buddha all the way -- his images in different sizes and manifestations.   In a cave far back, which should not be missed, there is a large brilliantly done statue of Buddha in Mahaparinirvana pose (transcending from the earthly state) with mourning disciples.  Also, there is a Meditating Buddha refusing to fall a prey to temptations.  Further noteworthy is a beautifully chiselled miniscule figure of Buddha of the length of one-and-a-half inches in the hair-do of a devotee.

Among other remarkable features of the caves are the semi-circular windows on top of some doorways that have been thoughtfully designed to allow sunlight to penetrate the interiors and reach the farthest end.

The United Nations Educational Scientific and Cultural Organization (UNESCO), which has accorded a “world heritage site” status to Ajanta caves, commended them for their “masterpieces of universal pictorial value.”  It lauded the “refined decoration of the paintings, balance of their composition, particularly the marvellous beauty of the feminine figures.” 

Here are some photographs:



Painting on the ceiling of a cave showing Buddha in various stages
of contemplation





Inside an astonishingly well-preserved cave





Sculpture of Buddha in meditation unperturbed by temptations



A mini statue of Buddha (height 1.5 inches) adorning the
hairdo of a devotee





An ornately chiselled exterior of a cave





The exterior of a cave: a semi-circular window above the main entrance
allows sun rays to illuminate the interiors

Mini statues of Buddha neatly sculpted on the outer wall of a cave

A reclining Buddha in "Mahaparinirvana" (transcending from earthly
connections) state.  The statue is 23 feet long.



HUMOUR UNLEASHED -- 26



HUMOUR UNLEASHED -- 26

(Compiled by Subbaram Danda)

Humour contributes

spice, colour and sparkle to life

AIDS and Seniors

Many seniors are carriers of AIDS!

Surprised?  Yes, they carry

HEARING AIDS

BAND AIDS

WALKING AIDS

MEDICAL AIDS

And possibly GOVERNMENT AIDS

They also have to put up with HIV – their Hair is Vanishing!!

(Adopted from a posting on a social network)

Mother-in-law’s Pride

The mother-in-law was all praise for her daughter-in-law Ramya.  “There is none better than Ramya in the entire neighbourhood.  Only three months since marriage, she has agreed to take me to a concert by world famous singer Jesudas.  This has been my life’s ambition and it is getting fulfilled only now thanks to her,” the old woman kept telling everyone she met.

This reached the ears of Ramya’s best friend Uttara.  She called her and said, “Ramya, what a dubious pal you are!  You have been talking ill of your mother-in-law and calling her names.  You have said you two are like Tom and Jerry.  But she is waxing eloquent on you.”

Ramya:  “You don’t know my strategy.  I continue to detest her every move.  The reason why I am taking her to the concert is that she has been repeatedly saying that she is prepared to lay down her life for a chance to hear Jesudas live.  I am providing her the chance.” 

                                                                                                                                     

Life Online

Daughter: “Dad, I'm in love with a boy who is far away from me.   While I am in Australia, he lives in the UK.  We found each other on a dating website, became friends on Facebook and had long chats on Whatsapp.”

Father:  “OK, that’s interesting.”                         

Daughter: “He proposed to me on Skype.  We've had two months of relationship through Viber.  I want your advice on how we can proceed further.   We also need your blessings and good wishes."

Father: "Wow! Really!!  Then get married exchanging vows on Twitter, have fun on Tango, buy things for your kids on Amazon and settle the bills through Paypal.

He added: “And if you get fed up with your husband, feel free to sell him on Ebay".

(This joke was shared by ace actor Amitabh Bachchan on a social network recently)

November 9, 2013

THE MOUNTAIN OF LIGHT : A Review

THE DANCE OF A DIAMOND

(By Subbaram Danda)

THE MOUNTAIN OF LIGHT,  a historical novel by 

Indu Sundaresan, author of THE TAJ TRILOGY,

Harper Collins Publishers India,320 pages,Rs.299

Internationally acclaimed author Indu Sundaresan’s latest novel “The Mountain of Light” is a historical fiction thoughtfully woven round the legendary 186-carat diamond Kohinoor and the turbulent ways in which it changed hands.  The author turns the reader into a curious witness to the unabashed manoeuvres and treacherous intrigues high and mighty kings indulged in to possess the dazzling diamond.  The urge to own it was so overwhelming that even a dreadful curse supposedly carried by it -- if worn on a crown, the Kohinoor would bring misfortune to the ruler -- was conveniently overlooked.

Kohinoor in Persian means a “Mountain of Light.”  It is how Persian King Nadir Shah exclaimed looking at it, when it came into his possession.  The diamond had its origin in the mines of Andhra Pradesh, India.  The first recorded mention of the diamond can be found in the memoirs of Mughal Emperor Babur, who received it from a Hindu ruler he had defeated.  After the Mughals, it slipped out of India and was with Nadir Shah for a while.  Later it was held by King of Afghanistan Shah Shuja and subsequently by Maharajah Ranjit Singh of the Punjab Empire.   Finally it landed in England to be presented to Queen Victoria.  Pruned down to 105 carats, the dazzling diamond currently sits on Queen Mother’s crown and can be seen in the Tower of London.

The novel opens in June 1817 at Lahore’s sprawling and picturesque Shalimar Gardens of Punjab’s Maharajah Ranjit Singh.  In a mansion there the Afghan King Shah Shuja and his wife, having lost their throne, have taken refuge.  In their secret possession is the Kohinoor.  In a vicious move, Ranjit Singh literally makes the two starve and wrests the valuable gem from them.  However, eventually he helps them win back their Afghan throne.

On the death of Ranjit Singh, four of his sons are killed in succession wars.  Six-year-old prince Dalip Singh becomes the heir to the Punjab Empire and the fabled diamond.  Waiting in the wings, the British annex the kingdom and take hold of the precious stone.  But under a strange treaty Dalip remains the empire’s Maharajah.

The story of how the Kohinoor is taken out of Punjab to England for presentation to Queen Victoria is fascinatingly told.  The veil of secrecy under which two high-ranking officers of the crown carry the diamond on board s.s. Indus from Bombay harbour, its shocking disappearance despite every precaution and its dramatic recovery have all the ingredients of a fast-paced thriller.   At the age of sixteen Dalip Singh follows the diamond to London, where he is well-received and pampered.

One has to acknowledge the enormous pains taken by the author to delve deep into the vast historical data, re-create a whole lot of apt situations, generate multiple flash-backs and put vibrant life into scores of characters to suit the complex storyline.  It is mind-boggling!   

The author frequently employs imagery in preference to simple narration for magical effect.  Lingering in the minds of the readers for long, for example, will be the scenes at the Buckingham Palace where Queen Victoria first grants audience to Dalip and the earlier visuals at the encampments on the banks of the Sutlej, where Governor-General Lord Auckland’s sisters are entertained by the Maharani of Punjab.

The book portrays sensitively how the queen endears herself to Dalip Singh and how he reciprocates.  During her first meeting, she tells him in all sincerity: “I am elated you are here after hearing so much about you…. You are such a striking boy….  I feel as though I could be your mother.…”  These terms of endearment continue for a while.

Human emotions come out vividly alive all through the novel.  Taking a look at the Kohinoor at the Buckingham Palace after it has been cut and reset in Amsterdam at the behest of the queen, Dalip exclaims: ”Where is the Mountain of Light?  The diamond cutters have taken away too much—this is not a mountain anymore, but a hill, a hillock, a mere bump in the horizon.”  He laments again silently: “It isn’t the Kohinoor diamond anymore, and it’s the last time I will hold this stone.  It doesn’t belong to me.”

Ultimately realization dawns on Dalip.  A touch of pathos is discernible when he wonders, “My father was the Lion of the Punjab.  Today, I am a mere mewling kitten.”  Years of distrust and dwindling hope overtake him.  He meets his end “in a shabby hotel in Paris.”   

The book also unwraps the scant regard some English personages had towards Indian rulers and the people.  Referring to the Maharani of Punjab, a sister of Lord Auckland says, “She’s a commoner, isn’t she?  The daughter of a cleaner or some such.…”  Even Lord Dalhousie, the later Governor-General, displays his lack of respect for Dalip.  There are several such instances.

Over the ages, clever efforts were made to circumvent the curse of the Kohinoor. It was recut and buffed up many a time.  It was also interpreted that it had no effect on women.  Some kings did not wear it on their person.  During the time of Mughal Emperor Shah Jahan it adorned the fabled Peacock Throne.  In later years Afghan King Shah Shuja and Maharajah Ranjit Singh had it embedded in an armlet.  Queen Victoria too simply followed the practice and wore it on her arm.  At present the diamond shines on Queen Mother’s crown!     

US-based Indu Sundaresan was born and raised in India.  Among her books, the Taj Trilogy (The Twentieth Wife, The Feast of Roses and Shadow Princess) portrays the glories and strifes of Mughal emperors and the bickerings behind the veils of their harems.  A television series on the Trilogy is planned.  Her works have been translated into 22 languages to date.

The present novel is a treasure trove for lovers of historical fiction.  If you have not seen the fabled diamond yet, “The Mountain of Light” will certainly prompt you to look for it in the Tower of London! 

1,050 words

October 20, 2013

HUMOUR UNLEASHED -- 25

HUMOUR UNLEASHED -- 25

(Compiled by Subbaram Danda)

"Learn to laugh at yourself.  It may come in

handy when trying to wriggle out of

an uncomfortable situation."

Foreign-employed Indian groom

One day, college mates Ramya and Asha were deeply engrossed in discussing Indian marriages and finally their talk veered round to selection of their own life-partners.

Ramya:  “I would like to marry an Indian boy employed in a foreign country, preferably in the west.”

Asha:  “Oh that sounds great.  So, you want to enjoy a lifetime of luxury.”

Ramya:  “No, no, that is not my idea.”

Asha:  “Then what?  Do you want to steer clear of the problems of a joint family system here?”

Ramya:  “Not at all.  I don’t mind living with my in-laws.  You know, in fact, young couples do need the help of the oldies at home -- to serve as unpaid watchmen, take care of the children and go on sundry errands.”

Asha:  “Don’t beat about the bush.  Tell me quickly what you have in mind.  I cannot stand the suspense.”

Ramya:  “Dear innocent, can’t you guess even this simple truth?  I know for sure that Indian boys, who have been staying in a foreign country at least for a few years for purposes of education or employment, would have learnt cooking.  And I understand that within a short span of time they become experts in the culinary art.    As you are aware, I don’t know cooking!”           



Teenage beauty

A snobbish woman past her fifties suddenly realized that she had to look younger, if she were to retain her popularity in social circles.  She went to a beauty parlour and engaged its chief cosmetologist in a probing conversation.  She wanted to know whether the parlour could make her look really young.  She would not mind paying any fee for that.

“Of course, we certainly can.  It is our business, madam,” he assured her and went inside.   In a few moments he returned flaunting the latest BB cream tube.  “If you apply this beauty balm to your face three times a day for a month, all wrinkles will disappear -- permanently.  It contains very rare Chinese herbs.  It is best suited for persons like you.”

The lady appeared unimpressed.  “I am interested in looking really, really like a youngster, she emphasized.  “I don’t think this cream will be of much help to me.”

The cosmetologist moved inside and after five minutes came back.  This time he brought a sleek bottle of a thick liquid and declared, “This appears tailor-made for you, madam.  Its main ingredient is slime from a rare variety of Korean snails and we have procured the cosmetic exclusively for our customers.   It is not available anywhere else in the world.   Rub it gently on your face with massage-like strokes till it soaks into the skin just once in the morning every day immediately after bath.  In a week your face will glow radiantly.”

The lady remained unfazed.  “Listen, dear cosmetologist, I want to transform myself totally into a teenager in every respect, understand?”   He cast a strange look at her, nodded his head and went inside again.

He returned after 15 anxious minutes carrying a pink coloured tube with lots of purple dots.  “Madam, this paste will certainly meet your requirements.  This has been made out of the excreta of an unusual species of red rats in Kenya.  Apply this twice a day for three days and you will certainly look like an energetic teenager.  You will surely develop pimples and freckles all over your face."

Untimely

This happened a few decades ago.  An international leader, who had endeared himself to people all over the world, fell to the bullet of a brutal assassin.  It sent shock waves all over the globe.  When the news reached Indian newspapers, it was late in the night and about time for the last edition to be sent to the press.  A reputed English daily decided to delay the edition so that it could present a photo-enriched exhaustive report on the terrible incident on its front page and also carry an editorial.

An Assistant Editor, who generally wrote editorials on foreign affairs, was woken up from sleep at his residence and asked to come up with a powerfully-worded edit at the earliest.  In those days computers and internet facilities were not available.  So, within half an hour, he dictated his edit over phone to the night-duty stenographer in the office and went back to bed.

It was a thoughtfully written, touching piece on the world leader with a heading “Untimely Death.”

The News Editor went through it with a satisfying smile on his face.  He was not, however, happy with the weak-sounding heading.  He asked the Chief Sub-editor to substitute it with a stronger one and send it quickly to the press.  This senior journalist, who had little time on hand, did a fast job.

Early next morning, the Assistant Editor, who wrote the editorial, picked up the newspaper thrown into his compound and anxiously looked into his contribution.  He was aghast.  The heading read “Untimely Assassination.”  

August 17, 2013



MUNNAR, GOD'S OWN HILL STATION

SPLENDOURS OF MUNNAR

A cool tea estate

We – myself and my better half – fell for the temptations of Munnar, the stunningly scenic hill station of Kerala.  We were there on a holiday from May 8 to 13, 2013.     Our stay at Sterling Terrace Greens, nestled in verdant surroundings, was gratifying.   It was an enchanting and cool experience, when my home city Chennai reeled under the scorching sun. 

Munnar, meaning three brooks, is at the confluence of three mountain streams.   Situated at 6,000 feet above sea level, it offered everything one would look for in summer – divine greenery all around, gently caressing breeze, occasional mild showers and mist-covered undulating hillocks in the background.   In particular, the tea estates on rolling slopes peppered with white oak trees, shola forests (thickets), varied spice plantations and exotic gardens were a visual treat.  The nature’s beauty was at its bountiful best and it could be savoured even while driving up the relentlessly winding ghat road to Munnar.   

Taking a leisurely stroll on a well-mowed lawn with neatly tended flower plants on the edges just in front of the reception block of the resort was blissful.  Lazing away the time sitting on swings or cane chairs placed at cleverly-chosen points on the lawn was indeed delightfully de-stressing.  Visits to sight-seeing places around the town, including a dam, tea factory, flower show, park and spice garden provided the staple tourist fare. 

Here are some photos of our Munnar visit:



A tea plantation





A scenic spot



A landscape with oak trees





At Sterling Terrace Greens an elephant sculpture
greets guests

The Reception Block -- a mist-covered hillock in the
background

In front of the Reception Block

Relaxing on a swing

This is not a watch tower but a high-rise platform
for guests to climb up and look around



A buggy to transfer guests to somewhat distant cottages





At the Tea Museum--the green leaves commencing
their journey to get processed



Tea leaves passing through successive
machines to get cut and turn into powder



At a horticultural show -- attractive flower beds



Amidst colourful blossoms

A wide variety of flowers in full bloom

The sun flower at its majestic best



At a spice garden--this is not a pineapple but a fruit-like
shoot used in decorations





A sharp-edged exotic flower

 

The reservoir of the Mattupetty dam--its waters are
used to generate hydro electricity







A boating site near the dam



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