HUMOUR UNLEASHED -- 23

HUMOUR UNLEASHED -- 23

(Compiled by Subbaram Danda)

Laughter is a human being's

natural music of life.

What a feast!

The husband and wife were delighted to celebrate the harvest festival of Pongal with a few of their close relatives and friends.  In an environment of mirth and gaiety they went through the traditional rituals, indulged in cheerful banter for a while and finally moved to the dining table for brunch.   The husband told the invitees with a touch of pride that the food for the feast had been prepared single-handedly by his wife.

After the dining, when they were relaxing, the calling bell rang and the husband went out to check.   He came back and told his wife, “There is a beggar outside. An adamant fellow, he does not want to leave the place without getting something from us to eat.  Give him whatever is possible and be done with him.”

Out of consideration, the wife handed the beggar every item she had prepared, which he started eating there itself.   At the end he stared at the woman and remarked: “You call this food?  Who will eat this especially on a special occasion like today?  Even a dog would not touch it.”

The woman got wild and shouted at him:  “What non-sense are you talking?  You ate everything and still have the guts to utter rubbish.  Even my husband paid a tribute to me today.  Next time you come this side, I will shoe you out.”

The beggar:  “Don’t get angry with me, madam.  I relished every bit you gave me.   It is only your husband who asked me to say so.  Believe me I am innocent.  In fact, I had to rehearse the comment several times.”

He went on:  “Your husband gave me ten bucks as advance for my service.  Convey my thanks to him for his generosity and tell him I am waiting to collect the balance of five bucks which he promised to pay after the job is over.” 

The wife rushed inside screaming in high pitch, “I’m in Kolaveri da.”

Bargain most pleasing

A middle-aged woman went to a dentist, who had set up practice a few months ago near her house, to enquire how much she had to shell out for extraction of a molar tooth.

Dentist:  “I am a foreign-returned specialist.  I use the most modern imported equipment.  I employ new techniques of tooth removal using anesthesia and the procedure will be totally painless.  My charges will be Rs.3,000.”

Woman totally stunned:  “Oh God.  It is too much for me.  I cannot afford.”

Dentist: “OK, I will reduce my fees.  I will use traditional tools and there will be no anesthesia.  You pay me only Rs.1,500.”

Woman:  “Still it is on the high side.  Give me another option.”

Dentist:  “Then, I will ask my assistant to do the extraction.  The fee will only be Rs.500.”  He pointed to a burly figure sitting in a corner flexing his muscles.

Woman:  “You will have to reduce it further.  It is yet beyond my reach.” 

Dentist:  “Right.  I will leave the job to my apprentice who joined my clinic only last week.  You cannot question how he goes about his work.  Is that fine with you?  You pay only Rs.250.”

Woman:  “That sounds excellent, doctor.  I will send my mother-in-law for the tooth extraction at 11:00 a.m. tomorrow.”

Matter of worry

One evening a girl returning from her college received a phone call from a friend and immediately rushed to her uncle’s house.  Gasping for breath, she told him:  “Uncle, my parents have been scouting for an alliance for me despite my protests.  Just now I heard that they have almost finalized a groom.  This is atrocious.”

Uncle:  “Cool down, my dear.  What is your problem?”

Girl:  “How can they do it without my consent?  You should stop this.  I am worried, really worried.”

Uncle:  “Don’t get worked up.  Remember, your father and mother are your well-wishers.  I know your parents well and I know you too.  My reckoning is that it is the groom, who should now be really worried, not you!”

January 14, 2012 (700 words)

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MARVELS OF THE WORLD -- 20 : MADAME TUSSAUDS WAX MUSEUM, LONDON, ENGLAND

MADAME TUSSAUDS WAX MUSEUM : REALISTIC REPLICAS

(By Subbaram Danda)



It is the incredible result of a brilliant idea pursued to its fulfillment with diligence and devotion – Madame Tussauds Wax Museum in London, England.   Over two centuries ago, when statues made in stone, marble or plaster ruled the roost in the global art scene, an enterprising young lady learnt, developed and perfected the art of producing them in wax for their realistic appearance and appeal.   In course of time Marie Tussaud created life-size wax figures of many renowned world personalities and presented them in a museum, earning universal name and fame.  

The journey to distinction of Marie, born in France in 1761, was marked by unusual twists and turns.  At the age of 17, she sculpted a wax model of French philosopher Voltaire.  Her skill and talent propelled her to the French royal court of King Louis XVI and made her the art tutor of his sister.   But, during the French Revolution she was imprisoned.  On release, she was forced to prove her allegiance to the revolutionaries by making wax face masks of executed aristocrats.  In the early 19^th century she moved to Britain with a travelling exhibition of “revolutionary relics and effigies of public heroes and rogues,” thus establishing the nucleus of her wax empire.   

Facade of Madame Tussauds Wax Museum, London
(Photo courtesy: Citizen 59, Wikimedia)

Make-believe world

Today, as visitors approach the museum in Central London, a building with no frills, a sober sign “Madame Tussauds” in red background and a huge dome in pale green beckon them.  Once inside, they find themselves in a lively make-believe world.   Stunningly realistic wax replicas of  celebrities from every walk of life and from every part of the globe stand gloriously displayed – royalty to philosophers, statesmen to dictators, actors to singers, writers to socialites, scientists to sculptors, and sportsmen to fashion-designers.  The look-alikes reflect the real person in every respect -- in physical dimensions, body contours, facial features, eye tones, hair makeup, complexion hues, standing styles, costume details and overall looks.  

The museum is divided into several zones each with a distinctive name.   Among them, the World Leaders area presents global movers and shakers.  Icons of the glitterati can be found in A-List Party.  In Premiere Night, Hollywood and Asian silver screen stars mix.  The Sports arena exhibits distinguished men and women of the games.  At the Spirit of London, visitors can enjoy a taxi ride through the sights, sounds and smells of 400 years of London history from the comfort of a moving leather seat.   The Marvel Super Heroes 4D allows visitors to experience the multi-dimensional acts of superhero characters like Hulk and Spiderman.   The Chamber of Horrors brings to life centuries of crime and punishment with shockingly produced sound and visual effects.   This enclosure also showcases the original guillotine blade that executed members of the French monarchy.

Most touched model 

With Queen Elizabeth II

A special feature of Tussauds is that there are no rope barriers separating the visitors from their favourite wax figures.   Men, women and children can go near them, touch them, hug them and even kiss them.  Of course, photographs can be taken with the wax creations in any imaginative pose.   One of the highly-paid Hollywood actors and a leading star of Harry Potter and Twilight fame Robert Pattinson is said to be the “most touched model.”   His girl fans vie with each other to leave their lipstick marks on his face, which are wiped clean several times a day!   Heart-throb of yesteryears Marilyn Monroe’s figure with her famous upturned skirt is the cynosure of many eyes.   The Royal Appointment, where the likes of the British Queen Elizabeth II, her husband Duke of Edinburgh, Diana and other dignitaries greet the visitors, is the “most visited area.”   Mahatma Gandhi, apostle of peace, presents himself in his classic style with his familiar pole. 

Across the zones visitors can “see, feel and admire” the models of world leaders like Barack Obama, Vladimir Putin and Winston Churchill, legendary personalities like William Shakespeare,  Albert Einstein and Pablo Picasso, and sportsmen like Sachin Tendulkar, Mohammed Ali and Cristiano Ronaldson.   With shocked disbelief people can come face to face with dictator Adolf Hitler.  The Hollywood contingent is large and includes honchos like Charlie Chaplin, Tom Cruise and Julia Roberts.   Among pop stars are Lady Gaga, Britney Spears and Justin Timberlake.  The Indian filmdom is represented by Amitabh Bachchan, Shah Rukh Khan, Hrithik Roshan, Salman Khan and Aishwarya Rai.   The wax figure of Madame Tussaud, creator of the museum, is another major attraction.   There are many, many more statues of other personages as well.  And additions to the collection go on continuously.

With Charlie Chaplin

Sittings and measurements

How the artists of Tussauds make the replicas of the celebrities is by itself a fascinating story.   “Sittings” of the VIPs take place at the museum’s studios or in star hotels.  In some instances the artists go to their places.  The celebrities do not generally mind spending a few hours for the purpose.  Hundreds of precise measurements of their body are taken.   The process begins at the toe and moves upwards.  The head always comes last.  Photographs from different angles are taken.  No celebrity is paid for making a model and displaying it.  “Most stars seem to enjoy the indulgence of being measured, photographed and modeled.”  However, Mother Theresa is one of the rare personalities to have declined an offer to get wax-figured.   The likes of yester-age or inaccessible men and women of fame or notoriety are cast based on their painted portraits or photos.   

Every replica is painstakingly crafted employing special techniques pioneered and developed there.  The implantation of hair is a precise time-consuming process.  Each strand is real, methodically selected for its touch and texture and inserted individually into the model’s scalp.   Doing the eyes is again a highly skilled job.   A statue takes four months to reach the stage of completion.  And the cost of it all is monumental – over 150,000 pounds or Rs.1.20 crores!  

World-wide branches

To keep abreast of times, museum’s stars too undergo regeneration.   Wax workers change their hairstyles and facial features, where necessary.   Sometimes an entirely new replica is cast to keep pace with the aging process of the original person.   It is pointed out that Michael Jackson, the celebrated pop star, has gone through 13 reincarnations.   

Over the years, the popularity of the museum has swelled by leaps and bounds.   This has led to the opening of its branches elsewhere too in the world – the US (Los Angeles, Las Vegas, New York and Washington DC), Europe (Amsterdam, Berlin, Blackpool and Vienna), Asia (Bangkok, Hong Kong and Shanghai) and Australia (Sydney).   These units flaunt their own special features.  For instance, at the Washington DC outlet wax icons of all the 44 US presidents can be viewed “in an interactive environment.”  Last year Indian Bollywood actress Kareena Kapoor entered Madame Tussauds at Blackpool in north-west England, while Madhuri Dixit is all set to get unveiled at London soon.  Proposals are under consideration of the museum to have a presence in other major cities of the world as well.  

January 7, 2012 (1,190 words)

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