HUMOUR UNLEASHED -- 24

HUMOUR UNLEASHED -- 24

(Compiled by Subbaram Danda)

The secret of humour is surprise -- Aristotle,

Greek philosopher and teacher of

Alexander the Great

The best password

One day, a man and his wife started quarrelling over a trivial matter.   The man had forgotten to switch off the bathroom light as he came out of it and the woman would not forgive him for the lapse.   An explanation given by him would not satisfy her.

She launched a tirade against him recounting his history of forgetfulness.  He argued back but suddenly turned silent.

Watching all this was their ten year old son.  He could not put up with his mother’s diatribe.  He remarked:  “This is too much, mom.   You are making a mountain out of a molehill.  Stop calling him names.”

Then he looked up to his father and asked:  “Dad, you have always been assertive.  But, why have you abruptly become mum now?”

The man replied: “You know, when your mom becomes wild with anger, she comes out with choicest expletives.  Like a bolt from the blue I realized that her most abusive words could make excellent passwords for use on the computer.  Of late, I have been running short of them.  So without retorting I started listening to her carefully and remembering them.  I am happy I have been able to collect five unique offensive words from her outburst.  No one will use them as their passwords.”

Son: “Which is the best of the five?”

The man: “Maramanda (wooden brain).  This is one of the epithets she used to describe me today.”

The elusive search

It was 8:00 p.m.  A man rushed out of his house, stood on one side of the road and started looking at the sky.  He would not shift his gaze.  Five minutes passed.

A group of about ten persons gathered there and they too turned their heads towards the sky.  They could not see anything.  But they continued, like the man, to look in the same direction.  A few more minutes went by.

By now about 50 persons assembled there and began watching the sky.  Nothing could come to their view.  A couple of more minutes ticked by.

The man stood there immersed in his scan of the firmament.  A young boy approached him and asked, “What are you searching for?”

The man replied: “The moon.”

Unable to control his laughter, the boy said, “Don’t you know today is New Moon Day.  There won’t be any moon in the sky.”

“Oh, yes, I totally forgot that.  I am sorry.  I am a fool.” he said.  He hesitated for a moment and asked the boy, “But then, why these fifty guys are also looking at the sky?”  Without waiting for a reply from him, he quietly got back into his house.

Give and take

It was the time, when the “Pleasure of Giving” week was being celebrated.  In a school a teacher asked a student:  “Have you ever experienced the joy associated with the policy of 'give and take?'”

The student: “No miss.  But I would like to.  You please give me and I will take it.”

The entire class burst into laughter.  The clever teacher replied:  “Sure, I will give you a blow.  You take it and enjoy.”   The laughter grew louder.

(550 words)

December 15, 2012



MINI STORIES MANY -- 10

CELEBRATIONS EXOTICA

 (By Subbaram Danda)

The invitation was innovative in looks as well as contents.  It was a captivating collage of colour photographs depicting exciting locales of India best-suited for partying.  Sahana was delighted to go through it.  Her close friend Charita was inviting her and her husband to her wedding reception on the full moon night two weeks later at a novel venue -- the sand dunes of the Rajasthani Thar desert.   The formal tying of the nuptial knot would take place in a temple locally in Delhi a day earlier in the presence of only close relatives.  That evening, after the wedding, luxury buses would take a larger group for the grand reception.

Charita was known for doing things differently and imaginatively.   As she did not believe in love affairs, she had put out an advertisement in a national newspaper under “Matrimonial” running nearly to the length of a column with a bold heading “Meet Charita.”  A colour photograph of her appeared alongside.   She had engaged the services of a copy writer working in a famous ad company to coin the words thoughtfully, highlighting her attributes, accomplishments, interests and aspirations.  Going in the name of her father, the advertisement looked for her life-partner, who should be decent, talented, educated, employed and tolerant.  He should respect family values and also have a nose for unusual things.

Sahana called Charita to congratulate her.  “Great, Charu!  My hubby and I were thrilled to receive your invitation.  In fact, we are eagerly looking forward to participating in the reception.  Tell me, what made you plan your reception in a desert?”

Exciting trends

Charita made a mini presentation:  “The days of celebrating weddings and receptions in marriage halls and resorts are no more exciting.  The trend is now to arrange them at unconventional sites like beaches, castles, palaces, foothills and even lagoons.  Professional wedding planners do everything for you from A to Z.   Destination weddings, as they are called, are fast becoming popular in the US and the western countries.  India is not lagging behind.  In fact, such occasions are cost-effective when compared to organizing them in big cities like Delhi, Mumbai, Calcutta, Bangalore or Chennai in the age-old fashion and inviting an unwieldily large number of people.”

She paused for a while and continued: “My would-be husband is a Person of Indian Origin living in New Jersey in the US.  An attorney by profession, he was born, brought-up, educated and employed there.  His parents wanted his bride to be from India.  They favoured celebration of at least one event of the wedding in an exotic locale here.  He too nurtured such a desire.  This would be his first visit to India.  For the entire family, it would be a time to relive the nearly forgotten traditions and at the same time to regale their kith and kin with strange extravaganza.”

She went on:  “My advertisement impressed them very much.  In fact, the groom himself got in touch with us.  He figured that this alliance was specially made for him.  Soon, I and he were in touch with each other exchanging views freely.  We jointly finalized the arrangements for the wedding and the reception in co-ordination with the planner company.  I am sure you would enjoy the programme.”

Traditional rituals

The wedding at the spacious temple was elaborate with every ritual being gone through in detail as per the tradition.  The purohits, through the chanting of hymns and offerings to the sacred nuptial fire, invoked the blessings of the family deities, the sun, moon, stars and the elements.   At the appointed auspicious moment the groom tied the knot, as the parents of the bride shed tears of joy.  During the custom of “Saptapadi” (Seven steps), regarded as the most essential ritual, the bride and the groom exchanged vows while taking one guarded step after another.  They promised to look after each other, beget and protect children, prosper together, share joys and sorrows in equanimity, safeguard family wealth, remain companions life-long and in the entire process ensure that their two individual personalities blend into one perfect whole.  Blessed by the priests and all those present, they then formally acquired the status of man and wife. 

That evening a larger group of invitees to the reception gathered at a star hotel.  After an early gala dinner, they left by two posh Volvo buses heading for Jaisalmer, the Rajasthan city known for its “golden sand dunes.”  Fun and frolic of a high order characterized their journey.  Music, impromptu dances, humorous repartees knew no bounds.  After midnight they all retired in their cozy reclining seats.

Colourful welcome

Next morning they drove past Jaisalmer and in no time sighted an ancient fort-like edifice emerging out of a large sandy expanse and gleaming in the morning sun.  It was a star hotel, which was hosting them.  As the buses parked, Sahana, her husband and other invitees stepped out and moved towards it.  They were awe-struck by huge lifelike sandstone statues of camels on either side of a neatly paved broad walkway leading to the main entrance.   They took a few more steps forward to be greeted by melodious shehnai music.  A bevy of Rajasthani beauties in bright red, yellow and green traditional attire applied tilak (red vermilion mark) on their foreheads, offered garlands and sprinkled scented water over them. 

In the main lobby, a lady receptionist called out the names of the guests and handed over room keys to them.  In a swift operation, all the visitors moved into their rooms.   Each was a cosy nest of sheer luxury done up in traditional style.  Famous Rajput paintings and mirror work adorned the tastefully coloured walls.  The bride and the groom were given a suite called The Royal Bliss, which recreated the splendour of the Rajasthan kings.

The much awaited reception was in the evening.  To keep the guests engaged till then, a city sight-seeing tour was organized.  Jaisalmer was founded by Raja Rawal Jaisal in the middle of the 12^th century.  A structure in the city that stood out was a formidable-looking fort with a high wall around it.  Inside there were several mansions known as havelis, temples and other buildings.  The havelis had been the residences of rich merchants, landlords and ministers.  Most of them were now converted into heritage hotels.   A visit to the villages nearby and a trip to a camel rearing farm were also included. 

Dream locales

Some seniors stayed back in the hotel.  The Guest Relations Manager invited them to a slide show on how modern marriages were conducted.  He explained:  “In addition to Jaisalmer, dream weddings in Rajasthan are organized in palace-turned-hotels in Udaipur, Jaipur and jodhpur.  Some people look for greener environments like Kerala, popularly known as ‘God’s own country.’  Among other destinations in India is Goa reputed for its fine beaches.”

He added:  “International locales include Sri Lanka, Thailand, Malaysia, Indonesia, Mauritius, Hawaii, Mexico, Caribbean, Fiji and New Zealand.  New ones are also being added.  Each wedding is celebrated differently and we and our associates go out of the way to arrange it the way our customers want it hassle-free to them.  With only selective people participating, such novel weddings are cheaper when compared to multi-day jumbo-like events in a big city.   We really strive to make every wedding a memorable event.”     

As the evening sun sank under the sands, a mild chill descended on the place.  It was pleasantly comfortable alright.  The guests were getting ready for the major event.  All women had finished their henna and facial sessions.  The venue for the reception was three kilometres away on a vast sandy stretch.  A huge decorative tent had been erected with silk draperies all around.  A raised platform at its centre neatly covered by red carpets carried a long ornate rosewood crimson-upholstered throne-like seat.  In front of it there was a large blue carpeted open enclosure with pots of flower plants all along its border.  It was for performers like folk dancers and musicians.   About 100 feet further in the front thin divans covered in white sheets lay on the ground in two rows in a horse-shoe format for the guests to sit.  Red cylindrical pillows served as back rests for them.

Fairy-tale princess

The bride and the groom emerged in the lobby.  Charita sported the traditional Rajasthani wedding outfit of lehenga, a three piece costume consisting of ghagra (long skirt), choli (blouse) and duppata (upper cloth).  It was in red with streaks of golden threads running all through in artistic patterns.   Broad embroidery work in glistening zari along the borders added a touch of glamour to it.   She wore lots of ornaments -- a diamond necklace, hanging ear-rings, nose piece, ivory and gold bangles, arm bands and anklets.  A gem-embedded disc suspended from the hair and resting on the forehead was the piece d’art.   Bedecked in the special bridal dress and jewellery, Charita looked like a fairy-tale princess.

The groom was equally made up.  He wore an off-white silk sherwani (long overcoat) with rich embroidery work on the neck, shoulders and sleeves.   A purple-coloured kurtha underneath came out in good contrast.  A loose pyjama complemented it.  A turban in bright crimson embellished with golden lace provided stately grace to his attire.  A matching violet-coloured raw silk stole (a long loose length of cloth reaching down to knees) carried over the shoulders and ethnic sandals completed the process of turning him into a prince of the bygone era.

A few minutes later, a colourful procession started for the reception venue led by a 20-piece Rajasthani band, playing time-honoured as well as contemporary film music.  It was followed by a neatly spruced-up black stallion capable of treading on sand carrying the bridegroom.  Then came the bride in a palanquin bedecked with drapes of brocade enriched by cut flowers.  The guests were in for a surprise.  They were asked to mount caparisoned camels.   Folk dancers, ethnic musicians, magicians and torch bearers made up the rear. 

Rides of excitement

Invitees enjoyed traversing the three-km stretch perched on the ships of the desert.  Their lazy saunter was punctuated by up and down jolts when the animals navigated deep sand dunes drawing shrieks of excitement from the riders.   For many it was a life-time experience.  Photographers busied themselves clicking every one of them.  As the procession approached the venue, a floral arch in bright colours beckoned them.

The entire place was drenched in balmy full moon light.  When the bride and the groom came to occupy their throne-like seats, the band played fast music in high pitch to be joined by the people clapping and cheering them.  The central enclosure was soon occupied by folk dancers, who presented royal-time as well as typical present-day numbers.  This was followed by musicians who entertained the audience with the latest celluloid hits.  Several couples joined them dancing to their tunes.  Subsequently, an acrobatic display by torch bearers, magic and mimicry kept the invitees enthralled. 

It was now time for dinner.   Under colourful beach umbrellas, a gala feast had been spread out.  A rich fare of ghee-cooked sweets and spicy specialties set off a unique aroma that wafted across the entire sandy stretch.   The guests had tough time making their selections.  Varieties of ice creams and fruits were not the last word.  There was a huge cake-cutting ceremony too.   

Great expectations

The revelries continued past midnight.  Finally the entourage retraced to the hotel.  Next morning all participants received an album of photographs of the memorable sojourn before they entered their buses for journey back to Delhi.     

As Sahana and her husband returned home, they realized that a major auspicious family event lay before them.  Her father-in-law would be completing 60 years in a few months and it was their duty to celebrate the occasion in as grand a fashion as possible.  Next morning, bringing coffee to him and her mother-in-law, she broached the subject and asked them whether they had any suggestion to make.  With a smile on his face her father-in-law said: “Ah, yes.  Thanks for reminding us.  I and your mother-in-law would like to have our Shashtiabdapurti celebrated in a castle.”  Sahana was flabbergasted.  He added, “Before the commencement of the function, we would love to land there from a helicopter.”  The youngster stood frozen.

November 24, 2012

(2,060 words)

MINI STORIES MANY -- 09

OH, INDIAN WEDDINGS!

(By Subbaram Danda)

The university results of M.Phil. (Sociology) were on expected lines.  Vamsika stood first in her class of ten students.  Her thesis was titled “Indian Weddings: The Hidden Dimension of Their Expenses.”  It received a "highly commendable" endorsement.

Her findings were an eye-opener for many.  An upper middle-class prestige-conscious South Indian resident spent around Rs.10 lakhs on the wedding of his daughter.  A big slice of it went for food.  A catering contractor charged a minimum of Rs.250 per head for lunch or dinner.  The rental for a reasonably good hall in a central location was Rs.3 lakhs for the entire occasion.  Expenses for video and photographic coverage and flower decorations would be around Rs.3 lakhs.  Lying outside the purview was the outgo on gifts to relatives and friends, jewels and costumes for the bride and the groom and honeymoon trips.  If the wedding was organized in a five-star hotel or a resort, the financial outflow would scale starry heights. 

The research findings produced a deep impact on Vamsika’s psyche.  Was this necessary and essential?  She was an independent thinker always standing for high values and simple living, though she hailed from a fabulously rich Chennai-based family.  Her father was the chairman of several companies, all doing exceedingly well.   He, unlike her, was a man of flamboyant lifestyle.  He always looked for wows and kudos from his friends and relatives.  At the same time, he stood for fair corporate practices.  He was known for his generous give-outs to his employees and stakeholders.  A job in one of his companies was the dream of any aspiring youngster.   

Colossal waste

Vamsika joined the National Institute for Study of Socio-Economic Changes as a Research Fellow.  She continued to concentrate on her favourite subject of Indian weddings. One aspect that she probed further was the quantum of food that was wasted.   She went through the results of a survey conducted by a respectable university on the amount of food consumed and discarded in weddings in a major South Indian city.   The 500-odd marriage halls there accounted for about 85,000 weddings a year and the waste of “high quality food” amounted to a whopping Rs.339 crores annually!   It would assume colossal proportions when projected to cover the entire country.

Was it desirable?  It stirred the conscience of Vamsika.  Sharing her views on the subject and helping her in her work was her senior colleague and another researcher Amaresh.  Handsome and cool-headed, he hailed from a middle class family.   He had witnessed the pangs of anguish that his father had gone through while arranging the marriage of his elder sister.   Amaresh actively advocated simple weddings.  The similarity of their minds gradually grew into unity of their hearts.  In course of time their friendship blossomed into a mature relationship. They waited for a good opportunity to break the news to their parents.  Vamsika was not sure whether her parents would agree to her selection of a boy from an ordinary middle-class family to be her life-partner.  Amaresh wondered whether his mother and father would not be wary of having an affluent girl as their daughter-in-law.  

Strangely, the two encountered no major hurdles.  Vamsika’s father was, in fact, happy that his only daughter could find a boy, whose likes and tastes matched with hers.  However, he was aware that she would demand a simple wedding ceremony, to which he was totally opposed.  So, in exchange for his consent to the marriage he wanted her to agree unconditionally to his way of conducting it.  Her arguments to convince him fell on deaf ears.  Finally, she nodded reluctantly.  “Your marriage will be unprecedented and historic in style and pompousness,” her father declared to her chagrin.   Amaresh too managed to turn his parents round to his views.

Strategy with a purpose

Vamsika and Amaresh held a series of personal discussions on how they should conduct themselves during their wedding.   They decided that they should not be a source of embarrassment to their elders.  The best course for them would be to lie low till the celebrations were over.   They evolved a strategy and a plan of action, which they wanted to unfold and put into practice after the wedding formalities were through.

Preparations for the wedding commenced well in advance in all earnestness.  A band of reputed Kashmiri pundits was contracted to conduct the ceremony according to sacred Vedic traditions.  They would co-ordinate with the local family priests.  The invitation itself was classy.  It was a long scroll of filigree-trimmed red silk cloth printed in golden letters with details of all events.  It was inserted in an ornamental roll, on which the name and address of the invitee was hand-caligraphed.   

The largest hall in the city with swanky features was engaged for the three-day show.   Rooms and suites in two five-star hotels were booked for the outstation guests and celebrities.  A fleet of twenty cars and vans were pressed into service to pick up invitees from the airport and railway stations and transfer them to the hotels.  A wedding tabloid and a special website appeared a fortnight earlier to put out daily developments.  Employees of the group companies of the bride’s father received a special three-month bonus. A one-to-one bonus issue was declared for shareholders.

The parents of the bride were very happy that everything was going on as planned without any hitch.  But Vamsika and Amaresh were ill at ease that they had to be mute witnesses to goings-on around them, which were totally against their liking.   “It is the irony of life,” they felt but could not help it.

Extravaganza total

The evening of the first day of the extravaganza witnessed formal betrothal and reception.   First, the bride and the groom went to a nearby temple in a four-horse-drawn classily-decorated chariot especially brought down to the city from Rajasthan.  As they returned from the temple and entered the hall to the accompaniment of Vedic chants and traditional Nadaswaram music, their diamond jewellery and special attire reflected resplendently in the bright lights.  She sported a brocade sari in purple colour, a sign of royalty, specially woven in Surat, while the groom wore a designer-made cream-shaded silk sherwani.   

The marriage hall itself resembled a fairy-tale palace with a colourful arch at the entrance, flower decorations inside, white plaster statues and big LED television sets at vantage points.   In the compound outside, mehendi stalls and bangles for ladies, candies and toys for children, soft drinks and beverages for all and exotic music bands were the attractions.  Celebrities from every walk of life and the officialdom vied with each other in greeting the couple and making presents.  The buffet dinner was a gala affair with an extensive spread of South Indian, Gujarati, Bengali and Punjabi dishes.  A variety of ice creams, sweets and fruits constituted a flavour-rich finale.  

The second day morning was for Muhurtham, when the ceremonial tying of the knot took place.  The costumes and jewellery worn by the couple were the latest objects d’art.  This occasion also saw a heavy turnout of relatives and friends.  The whole of that evening and the third day were devoted to religious rituals. 

In the lap of luxury

The honey moon for the couple was arranged in “The Palace on Wheels,” a special luxury train, and subsequently at a leading five-star hotel in Thimpu, capital of the Himalayan country of Bhutan and the mountainous paradise sought after by world travellers.    They left Chennai by a morning flight to New Delhi to catch the train.  As the couple waved good-bye to a small group of relatives and friends at the airport, tears swelled in the eyes of Vamsika’s father.

In the flight Vamsika read an article on “The Economics of Social Expenses” in a financial daily.  In essence, it said:  “The unconscionable spending by rich individuals and corporate entities are in fact not bad at all.  They help peacetime distribution of accumulated wealth and promote economic growth.  They also boost employment opportunities in the tertiary and the unorganized sectors.  For instance, a lavish wedding helps a number of cooks, servers, weavers, goldsmiths, artisans, small traders and a host of others in eking out their livelihood.  Large corporate payouts encourage development of high-end segments of the economy like premium hotels, extravagant bungalows, posh automobiles and the like.  While poverty feeds poverty, affluence beats poverty.”  The husband and wife pondered over these views.  Perhaps, Vamsika father’s philosophy of “enjoy and let others enjoy” was in tune with this argument.   However, they were not convinced.

“The Palace on Wheels” was a moving wonder of the Indian Railways.   It transformed every guest into a monarch to savour the delights of the erstwhile royal Rajasthan in regal splendour. The train had 14 posh coaches, each displaying legendary princely exuberance of the state.  Every coach had four twin-bedded salons elegantly decorated with ethnic motifs.  Modern facilities included channel music, intercom, DVD player, wall-to-wall carpeting and attached toilets with hot and cold water showers.  Each salon had a personal attendant.   Two restaurants, a common lobby and a library added to the conveniences offered.  The train took the couple to almost all tourist destinations of Rajasthan and also to famous Agra.   The seven-night Delhi-to-Delhi round trip cost each of them 4,025 US dollars (yes, more than Rs.2 lakhs) as it was the peak season.   After the lap-of-luxury trip, which did not amuse them, the two took a flight to Thimpu.   

  

Fairytale trappings

As they landed at the Paro international airport, 65 kilometres away, a charming Guest Relations Manager of the five-star hotel, where their accommodation had been booked, received them and led them to a waiting white limousine.  A glistening cocoon of moving opulence, it had all modern trappings – an LED TV screen, telephone, DVD player, assortment of fresh towels and refrigerator with soft drinks and fruits.  Its drive resembled a swan’s glide on a placid lake.

The hotel had an impressive façade reflecting the local culture and architecture.  The lobby presented a fairytale atmosphere with glistening marble flooring, Venetian chandeliers, famous murals, lifelike statues and demure lighting.  A smiling escort accompanied them to the third floor, where their Cupid Suite was located.  As they entered it, a shower of red and pink petals of rhododendron flowers and scented water greeted them.

The suite was well patronized by high net worth honey-mooners.  It had two spacious rooms, one with a circular rotating bed, on which their names in blushing petals of white magnolia had been artistically arranged.  Heart-shaped silicon-filled red silk pillows along with regular ones and a large painting of Omar Khayyam on the wall opposite to the door added a touch of fantasy to the romantic ambience of the room.   A medium-sized fridge stacked an assortment of soft drinks, liquors, chocolates, dry fruits and nuts. This suite cost them Rs.60,000 plus taxes per night.  Vamsika and Amaresh did not, however, relish anything.   Nor did they show any interest in sight-seeing.  They looked forward to moving back to their home city.  

Surprise and shock

When they returned, a surprise was awaiting them.  Vamsika’s father had invited a small group of their relatives, friends and company directors to make an announcement.  He said with a contended look on his face:  “I have had a fruitful life.  I have achieved everything a man could aspire for – money and materials, awards and accolades, name and fame.   It is now time to give up everything, particularly my passion for ostentation, and lead a truly austere life.  I draw inspiration from Vamsika.  I and my wife would be shortly joining the Ashram of our guruji in Rishikesh for seeking the everlasting divine grace.  I am entrusting all my business to the care of Vamsika and Amaresh”

A strange blend of shock and disbelief enveloped all those present. 

Breaking the silence, Amaresh rose to speak:  “While Vamsika and I seek God’s blessings and your good wishes for discharging the onerous responsibility cast on our shoulders, we too have a few things to say at this juncture.”  He paused and saw eagerness on everybody’s face.  “We have decided to conduct 100 weddings of deserving couples a year free of charge in austere settings.  Further, we have also decided to meet the educational expenses of 100 deserving boys and girls a year.   We do not favour any programme to feed people every day, as it would make them lazy and unproductive.”

Vamsika’s father started clapping joined by others and the applause continued for several minutes.  Amaresh and his wife stood touched by the response.

“We have one more announcement to make,” he continued.  “We plan to set up a small group of dedicated persons to go to the help of people, when a death occurs in their families.  It is these people who find it difficult to get things done and who deserve all support in that hour of great loss.  The group will take care of all arrangements free of cost.  It will extend its services to all irrespective of their caste, creed, religion and status.” 

A standing ovation followed, as tears rolled down the cheeks of Vamsika and Amaresh.

November 17, 2012

(2,200 words)      

MINI STORIES MANY -- 08

DREAM HUSBAND

(By Subbaram Danda)

Preetika was an unusually rebellious girl studying in Standard XII of a co-educational school, known for its strict discipline and value-based systems.   She always talked about rights and empowerment of women.  Fair, slim and attractive, she was a go-getter and attention-grabber.  She was unhappy that her school insisted on a monotonous uniform for all students.  If she had her way, she would love to come in hot pants and trendy tops.  She felt she was a misfit there, but could not help it. 

She decried age-old practices and scorned at conservative people.  Even at home, she did not like sporting the traditional tilak on her forehead.  She detested putting on bangles.  She hated wearing the Indian silk skirt and half-sari at least on special occasions.  Her reason: “I am casting off all symbols of enslavement.”

She loved spending her evenings chatting with friends on her mobile, browsing the Facebook and going through fashion magazines.   During week-ends she made it a point to go to the gym.   Every month she went to a beauty parlour for facials and eye-brow trimming.   “This is how I stay in step with new-age feminism,” she bragged quite often.

Showing it on flowers

An unexpected incident in her school fully exposed her sizzling non-conformist tendencies.  At the end of the academic term, a puja (divine worship) was conducted to invoke God’s blessings for good performance of the students in the upcoming board examinations.  Every girl in the class was given a string of jasmine flowers to be worn on the back of her head.  This girl and a few others in her group refused to accept it.  Watching this, the Vice-Principal, a tall stately lady reputed for strict enforcement of norms, made a school maid thrust the flowers in their tresses.  This infuriated the girls.  When the Vice-Principal left the place, they pulled the flowers out and threw them away to the glee of the boys.      

After the examinations and summer vacation, she managed to get a seat in B.A. (Corporate Communications) in a college known for its liberal ways.   In the campus, she became a noted figure, as she came daily on a purple-coloured motor bike and flaunted a rugged looking Reebok gents watch on her right wrist.  She liked the company of boys but would not allow them to poke anything funny at her.   If anybody questioned her style, her response was: “This is the sign of a forward-looking teenager standing for equality of genders and female emancipation.”  She contested student elections and became the secretary of the cultural association of the college.   She promised her fellow students that she would revolutionize its activities.

Life-partner of dreams

Preetika organized an inter-collegiate symposium on “Marriage and Views of Modern-day Youngsters.”  A boy and a girl from every college in the city came to participate.  It was well attended.  Newspaper reporters and television channel crews were present in large numbers.  She led the discussion.  With a rare bravado, she said, “My life partner should not be taller than me, nor more beautiful and more qualified.  He should not have any objection to my holding a job.   At home we should both work like equal partners.  Caste, creed and race would be no bar.”

Everyone heard her with rapt attention.  She went on: “My would-be husband should not have his mother.   He should definitely have no sisters.”   She added with a derisive smile, “His father, if not already dead, could be in the intensive care unit!”   This stunned everyone.    

She continued: “He should be prepared to share domestic chores.  I would prepare breakfast and he would be in charge of our dinner.  This is for a month.  Then we can reverse the roles.  We can manage lunch at our office canteens.  He should not toss harsh words at me, even if I am wrong.  In such a case, I would use harsher words and silence him.”

Wedding at ease

These brash expressions upset the faculty and the principal.  They stared at her and signalled that she should moderate her words.  However, she continued in her own acrid style:  “I would not go for a wedding right away.  First it would have to be a live-in relationship that can go on for two years.  During those 24 months I would strive to be blissfully and wildly in love with him.  Then the question of tying the knot would be discussed and decided.  When we have a child, he should be willing to change the diaper and clean wash the baby.”

A lad from the audience shouted:  “No doubt, you will remain a spinster always – an evergreen spinster!”  Thunderous laughter reverberated in the hall.   Another joined, “I can live with you for two months, OK with you?” 

Preetika could not be cowed down.  “Come to the dais, my dear mates.  Let us debate it over here,” she retorted.  There was total silence.   The symposium went on with other participants advocating the traditional practices or some suggesting the western ways.  A few went to the extent of totally rejecting the idea of marriage and permanently continuing with the live-in system.    The moderator, a retired judge, concluded the programme remarking that over the ages the concept of marriage had undergone changes and was bound to have more.  At any rate, our youngsters should remember that whatever they did should be in tune with the laws of the land.  No adventurism was advisable.”

Job and dates

After her B.A. she did M.A. in the same subject and secured a job in an MNC as its Public Relations Officer.  Her job involved interacting with clients, advertising agencies, media units and government departments.   She had opportunities to meet people of different outlooks, attitudes and temperaments.

A year passed and Preetika felt it was time for her to look for her life-partner.  She recalled what all she had propounded during her college days.  She felt there was no need to revise them.  She cast her net wide.  In the course of nine months she dated three guys but none of them measured up to her expectations.

In the block next to her office there was a branch of a major private bank.  One day, new manager Himalesh of the bank, a handsome young guy, came to her office to make a courtesy call on her General Manager.   She had a short conversation with him and later conducted him to the office of her boss.  In this brief time, she took a liking for him.   She had an account in the bank and every month her salary was credited into the account.  Whenever she went there to withdraw cash, she made it a point to meet him.  This developed into close friendship and appeared to blossom into love.

Princely catch

She made enquiries about him.  He was alone, staying in a studio type apartment near the bank.  He cooked his food himself.  He belonged to Udaipur, Rajasthan, and apparently hailed from a princely clan.  Nothing was known about his parents.    

One evening she invited Himalesh to dinner in a five-star hotel.   He readily responded.  There she opened up with her views on relationships, marriage and family life.  He listened to her carefully studying the implications of every word of her.  He remained silent for a while.  Then he replied:  “It is really astonishing that I too have similar views.  I am not a conservative.  I have an open mind.  I would like to try out new ideas.”  When the bill came, she did not allow him to pay it.  Though a hefty one, she settled it using her platinum plus credit card.   This enabled her to prove that she stood by her views on equality of genders.  They moved one more step closer to each other.   

       

Start of a relationship

Soon Preetika and Himalesh decided to enter into a live-in relationship.  They took on rent a posh spacious two-bedroom apartment with modern facilities in a calm locality about five kilometres from their offices.  They bought latest furniture and modern gadgets.  Interestingly, she wore a traditional thali round her neck not to give any room for anybody to look at them with suspicion. 

Preetika informed her parents in Coimbatore over phone about the arrangement.  They turned furious.  “You have been a rebel.  You have refused to marry the boy we suggested.  You have thrown to winds all family traditions.  You have brought disrepute to us.   We have long ago given you up.  Don’t get in touch with us for anything,” her father was pretty harsh and banged the phone.   She was not upset because she had not expected a better treatment from them.

Two years passed fast.  Preetika and Himalesh got along very well with each other.  They had a cool family life.  They maintained excellent rapport with their neighbours. “They make an ideal pair” -- this was how her neighbours looked at them. 

After the test drive

Preetika broached the subject of their formal wedding.  Himalesh was somewhat surprised.  He told her, “All the people around us are under the impression that we are already a married couple.  You also wear a thali.  If we talk about marriage now, they will look at us apprehensively.   Is formal marriage necessary at all?   Let us continue as at present.”

She could not give an immediate answer.  But she was determined that there should be a formal marriage.  Official and public recognition was necessary.  The live-in relationship was like a test drive for a person trying to buy a car.  The real pleasure and satisfaction would come only after regularly owning it.

Preetika kept on nagging him on this.  Finally the two decided to get married on traditional lines in a temple.  At this ceremony she agreed to wear a pure silk sari.  “You look gorgeous in this dress,” Himalesh pampered her.  The wedding went off well, attended by a small group of their friends.  There were no relatives.  On the same day they got their marriage registered.  Preetika was happy that she had been able to realize her dreams one by one.  “I did it,” she wrote in her diary.

On the family way

After a few months she became pregnant.  Going to the doctor every month for a checkup looked bothersome.  There was no other go.  She had to manage it somehow, she figured out.  As the suggested delivery day approached, strange fears started playing on her psyche.  “Will it be easy?  Whom she can go to for support and strength, if necessary, in the last minute?” she wondered.  Her husband gave her all confidence.  “Don’t worry, you can rely on me for everything.”

The nursing home where she was going to deliver was run on modern lines.  The husband and wife were briefed on the process of child birth.  It permitted one person to be with her at the time of delivery.  As her mother could not be expected, Himalesh agreed to be there.   She liked the idea.   He was a bit nervous.

The delivery went off without any hitch in the presence of her husband.  He was witness to the culmination of a profound process of creation.   He saw with his own eyes the marvel of life emerging out into the world.  He was eerily thrilled.   He and Preetika were now the proud parents of a cute baby girl.  Their joy knew no bounds.

Unexpected development

On returning home, her neighbours and friends called on the mother and the new-born baby.  They were surprised there was no one from her parent’s side or anybody from his side.  “May be it is a love marriage against the will of the elders,” they consoled themselves.

The baby grew and turned three months, enjoying the warmth and affection of both the parents.  The house was full of toys. Preetika enjoyed dressing the baby in male garments.  “I have done it again,” she wrote once more in her diary.

But an unexpected development rocked her.   One fine morning, when she got up from bed, she found Himalesh missing.  She saw a card pinned to the door, on which he had written in bold letters “GOOD BYE.”  She could not make head of tail out of it.  An inexplicable fear gripped her.  Tears swelled in her eyes.  She enquired with his office and the response she got was more intriguing -- “He has left our service.”  There was no one for her to look to in that hour of distress and share her agony.  Her parents were ruled out.  She also did not know the address of his mom and dad to convey the message.  Police complaint would be detrimental to her career.  She felt miserable and helpless.

Relenting mind

She kept going to her office.   It was necessary for her to make a living.  She felt very sorry that she had to leave the tender child in the care of a maid in a crèche.  Sometimes a thought crossed her mind -- “If only I had a senior relative at home to look after the baby…”  No, no, this was against her policy.  She erased the idea from her mind.

Three months passed.  She found it extremely difficult to manage all affairs single-handedly.  She badly needed her husband.  There had been no quarrel between them whatsoever.  But where was he?   In a desperate move, she inserted a display advertisement in the largest circulated national daily, which he normally read.  It said:  “Dear Himalesh, I am on the brink of a disaster.  Return home immediately, Your Preetika.”

A day later, she received a call on her mobile.  It was from Himalesh.  Her joy knew no bounds.  Tears ran down her cheeks.  Before she could say anything, he kept talking, “Expect me there on coming Sunday morning.  I had left the bank job for new pastures.  I will tell you everything in person.  I am very busy now.”

Retrospection

Preetika reviewed her life since school days.  She had traversed a long way.  She had been too rigid in her attitude towards marriage and family matters.  There was no point in being so any more.  The problems she faced in the last six months were terrific.  She had to take a relook.   She should make amends and relent.  She could not live alone.  She should have elders with her.  “I am chastened,” she wrote in her diary.

On Sunday at about 10:00 a.m. the calling bell rang.  She opened the door and there he was – HER DEAR HUSBAND.  Behind him was an elderly couple.  Without any inhibition, she ran to Himalesh carrying the child and hugged him.  The two seniors had a strange grin.

Wonder of wonders, Preetika wore a sari, the one he had purchased for her wedding.   She displayed a tilak on her forehead, jasmine flowers in her hair and diamond-encrusted golden bangles on her wrists.  She appeared obviously mellowed down.   Himalesh remarked in a tone brimming with awe and admiration, “You look gorgeous.  Meet my parents.”   She greeted them with a smile nodding her head.  The two oldies reached for the baby, carried and cajoled it in turns.  The little one also appeared to enjoy their company.

The trick and the outcome

That night Himalesh narrated to her what all happened in the past.  “I knew you are a nice girl but with wrong ideas.  I accepted you despite your eccentric ways.  I had to play a trick on you to make you come around.  Resignation of my job was stage-managed.”

He continued: “I had disclosed to you only a few things about my family.  You never bothered to know more.  That came in handy for me to keep under wraps details about my parents and relatives.” 

As he went on, the little one in the crib gave out a feeble wail.   Preetika jumped out of the bed, lifted the baby, handed it to her hubby and directed him: “Change the diaper.  The child has already messed up the pooh!”

November 10, 2012

(2,670 words)